3 Weeks...

That’s what we have left. It’s looming over my head and driving me insane. It can make me not want to get out of bed and darken every single day until the dreaded day if I let it. But not only do I have two other sweet girls, but I have to make the most of her days left with us. But when the house is quiet and I have time to think…I drive myself crazy with questions, worries and fear. I prayed that if she had to leave us that she would want to live with her mom and be okay with it. It seemed as if she was getting there after weeks of hating even the idea of going again the next week for her visit. She was coming home glad to be back, but also seemed like she had a good time. Once, she asked me all day long when it was time for her to go to her Mama C’s house. As much as it hurt, it was still a relief. Things were okay if she wanted to go there, right? I told myself this anyway. She would still say that she wanted to live with us….until one day a few weeks ago she changed her mind…said she didn’t want to live with Mama C. The past few weeks she has been coming home with bruises that I had to report to most importantly protect her but also to protect my husband, myself and our family. This sent her mom into a hellacious fit and she will no longer let the Princess call us every night that she is at our house. We even tried letting the Princess continue calling her mom while she was with us and she wouldn’t answer the phone. We tried. I didn’t want to try but this little girl will be home soon and wondering why we don’t call, visit…I don’t want it to be because of anything we did. I knew in the back of my mind that her mom would eventually change her mind about us continuing our relationship with the Princess. I even told her this after the last court hearing we had. She assured me this wouldn’t happen. I knew better. But, I tried to give her the benefit of doubt. Even though I knew this would happen….I tried so hard to convince myself this wasn’t the end. Now here we are…and her mom isn’t communicating. In her mind, we once again tried to destroy her daughter from going home and to disrupt her family and accuse her of false things. In her mind, she was working so hard to make this dysfunctional family we have work. What we can’t make her see is that this child is still in our care and will be protected by us and that we have a family to protect to. Bruises and claims of abuse can not come back on us. She doesn’t see it this way. We have been praying like never before…trying to keep our focus on God’s will and trying so hard to not think ill of her mom and assume the worst. Let me just tell you, this is hard when the child is coming home with bruises on her and stories about what happened. Yes, these things have been documented with DHS and I have taken pictures that are dated to protect my family. Has anything been done? I think you know the answer to this. So many people who heard her story and were outraged by how little was being done for her and made promises, empty promises, to help her and go to bat for her. I’m glad she doesn’t know how little was done for her by the ones whose job it is to protect her. They are supposed to look into everything and be there for us to be able to report things that we think aren’t right. The parents who lost the kids are supposed to be proving themselves…that they have changed and are able to care for them now. Instead, we the foster parents, have been treated as though we are the ones who need to prove ourselves…as though we are the ones who have made mistakes. The mom is taken at her word on anything she says. And then there is DHS who lets the child fall through the cracks because they would rather take the mom at her word and be done with this case then continue it and do their job making sure this kid is safe and provided for. Several of them have said it’s the most difficult case they have ever seen and can’t wait to be done with it. But at what price?? A child’s future isn’t something to be taken lightly and be so careless with. This child…all children…but for me it’s this child deserves the world. She deserves for people to fight for her and to make sure that she will be safe, provided for, cherished. She deserves to not be in fear constantly. She deserves everything in this life that is good. She deserves more than that even. I would go to hell and back for this little girl. Sometimes it feels like that’s what we have done. There are all different types of loved all wrapped up in that one word…love. My love for this little girl is fierce. I have seen the look on her face when she is terrified and anxious. I have seen the look on her face when she was confused about what was happening in her life. I have been there. I have been there when she woke up screaming in the middle of the night…when she was so scared of being away from me that I couldn’t even go to the next aisle in the grocery store without her…when she screamed at the sight of a playpen and wouldn’t go near the person she loved because they were standing next to it…when she was so upset and anxious because she knew what she wanted to say but couldn’t express herself in words. I have been there. I have seen the damage and the hell that she has been through. And it has been my joy to be there as she smiled and was able to say, “I’m angry” or “I’m sad”. It has been my joy to be there when she could sit in time out and cry rather than spit and throw mattresses across the room from not being able to communicate. It has been my joy to be there as she sings softly “Jesus loves me, this I know”. It has been my joy to be there as she says, “I’m happy Mama. I’m happy here.” It has been my joy to be there as she was able to be more self sufficient and glow with pride. It has been my joy to be there as she says, “Jesus will never forget me…he wrote my name on his hand.” It has been my joy to be there for every single tight hug, kiss with both hands on my face, sweet smile, and tons of laughter. It has been a joy to fight for her with every thing I have. It has been a joy to be her Mama. And she will always be my daughter. My Pepper. My Princess. My Laughter. My Sunshine. My Baby. Always…that goes beyond 3 weeks.

We are still here....

and a lot has happened since my last post. I regret that it has taken me this long to update my blog. Sometimes I start typing an update but then stop because I have already had to talk about it so much…over and over and over…until I just do not feel like talking about it yet again. Sorry for the lack of posting for those who keep up with our journey and support us in prayer and encouragement. I am going to really try my hardest to start being more regular with my posts, not only to update everyone but also as a journal for myself. The girls do the funniest, sweetest things and although I put it on Facebook a lot, I don’t want to forget it. (And thanks to the new timeline format..I can’t go back and retrieve older status updates to write them down.) It will take a long time to update on everything since my last post so I will do it in the next few posts. Here are a few of the things that have happened:

*We finalized Madison’s adoption!!!!

* The Princess turned 5!

* We went to court for the Princess yet again.

* The tooth fairy visited our house for the very first time!

* We had a baby boy stay with us for a little over 24 hours.

*We had our first Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas together as a family.

* We went on our first family vacation.

* We have a 3^rd little girl in our home now whom we refer to as Little Miss Sunshine.

* We have court for the Princess looming over our heads…again.

* We lost a wonderful, godly, compassionate man in our lives. My Grandfather (PawPaw to the girls) went to be with the Lord.

* We have severe anxiety issues…seperation anxiety.

　

I will elaborate on every one of these during the next SEVERAL posts. I promise. I can’t share pictures of the girls that are still foster kiddos. But I can share sweet photos of my Maddie and cute photos of chunky baby legs. Thanks for always supporting us…we can never tell you how much it means to us. This journey has been the hardest…best thing that has ever happened to us. Beautiful Chaos.

　

(* I will refer to the three girls most often by their nicknames: The Princess is our first placement we ever had and have had her for 17 months. She just turned 5. Priss Pot is our Madison who is now adopted and will be 4 next month. Little Miss Sunshine is the new baby we have had for a month tomorrow. She is 6 months old.*)

From Bad to Worse...

That’s where this case is going. We went to court for the Princess on March 20^th . DHS and counseling were asking for the judge to agree to start transitioning the Princess back into the home through unsupervised visits. My husband and I wrote up every one of our concerns, (financial, mental, judgment, etc.) and gave it to the Princess guardian ad litem (her lawyer). Her lawyer told us that if we would sign it that he would submit it to the court. Of course we signed it. As court progressed I could tell the way things were headed…DHS was painting the judge yet another perfect picture of bio mom…mom of the year. Didn’t you know that’s why you get your kids taken away? The DA began to question the Princess’ caseworker at which point she was caught in so many lies it was unreal! The DA asked the caseworker, “Have you discussed the plan of transitioning the child home with the foster parents?” She replied, “Yes.”. True. The DA then asked her, “Do the foster parents have any reservations or concerns about this plan for the child to transition back into the home?” Sit down and prepare yourself….”NO, they have no reservations or concerns.” For a few seconds I just sat there in shock…ANGER…and disbelief. The Princess’ lawyer turned around and looked at us and laughed and responded, “The foster parents have no concerns or reservations?” This was her chance to possibly redeem herself with the truth. “NO, they don’t.” The Princess lawyer responded with, “I have a two page letter of concerns signed by the foster parents in my hand.” I would like to say this was one of several lies she told under oath….she has also not talked to us since. No in home visits (she sent someone in her place), no phone calls for updates (we never get these anyway), no calls to check and see how things are going (these are few and far between as well). The Princess’ lawyer continued to question the court about our concerns and then came and sat by us. He told us that he had the same concerns as us about the visits being unsupervised, but he was pretty sure the judge was going to approve it. He said that if anything bad happened…she had a hard time with it…or anything came up to call him and he was pretty sure he could end them. It’s nice to hear…but we have little faith in anyone in the legal system at this point. Empty promises is all they give you. But we are desperate and so we cling to any glimmer of hope shown to us. Court wrapped up and the judge said that the bio mom had made significant progress (my definition of progress and his are apparently very different…she has a place to live and works a few hours a week) and that she “deserved the chance to prove that she could parent her child”. I’m sorry, but I thought she had that at birth…I though she had that again after her child was sent home last March and then returned in 8 days. Nope. She deserves another chance. The judge approved DHS’ recommendation. What does this mean for the Princess and us? On Tuesday mornings we leave our house at 8:15 to drop her off. She is then with her mom all day unsupervised and her mom brings her to speech and then she comes home at 5:30. Wednesday evening at 3:00 DHS arrives at our house to take the Princess to the DHS office where her mom comes to pick her up and the Princess stays the night with her. Thursday morning they wake up and go to speech again and counseling and hang out until she comes back to us at 5:30. Basically, she is gone for 3 days and when she comes home she is asleep and exhausted!! The day visits and overnight visits are supposed to prove whether or not she can provide for her child. Did you know if you can bring your child to town for two meetings it proves you can properly care for your child? I thought caring for a child meant keeping them safe, loving them,
proper hygiene, feeding them, etc. My mistake. So are we. The first Thursday was uneventful. I asked bio mom Monday evening if I should send snacks and she said that would probably be a good idea. Just say you don’t have food! I didn’t make that mistake again and do NOT send food anymore. The next Tuesday we found out something very big that I can’t share on here…don’t worry DHS said it wasn’t a big deal at all…even though it was something she was required to have and doesn’t…no big deal they say. Wednesday rolls around and the Princess’ caseworker still hasn’t called to tell us what time she will be at our house. I knew what time she was coming only because bio mom told me. They told her but not us. I think it would be the people with whom she resides you should inform what time you will be picking her up. It’s 40 minutes past the time they were supposed to be there to get her to her mom on the scheduled time and nobody has called. I text bio mom and she is walking in DHS office and asked about it. They tell her someone is on their way and is running late. Would have been courteous to have called us to let us know. Whatever. They show up almost an hour late and I was ticked. I was ticked I had to send her to her mom’s…ticked that we have a lazy, apathetic, unprofessional caseworker and I took it out on the caseworker who showed up. It wasn’t OUR caseworker..she sent someone in her place. No shock there. The caseworker walks in and I wasted no time…I told her that a call the day before or even the morning of to tell us what time they would be there would be the professional thing to do and would have been appreciated. I told her that we do have other things to do in our life besides wait for DHS to call us and tell us the next thing they need us to do and that the next time they decide to just show up at their convenience we may not be here! I calmed down a smidge to finally tell her it wasn’t her fault..that it was our caseworker’s and asked her to pass on the message. Was I out of line or does anyone else see this as unprofessional?? I am so tired of the bio mom knowing what’s going on but we are left in the dark. She knows what time court is but we are there hours early because nobody told us it was changed. SO SICK of being used and called a “resource”. Yes, we knew we were going to have to see kids get sent home and yes we knew we were a “resource” but I had no idea we would just be babysitters to be used at their whim. I had no idea when they told us in classes that we would be the children’s advocates and had to fight for them how empty those words were. How do you fight for kids against them?? The very ones who are supposed to be working on the kids’ behalf but instead work to give the parents countless chances to prove what we already know…they can’t change. Yet, they deem them fit. They tell you to fight but tie your hands behind your back…if you go against what they say they resent you and won’t work with you or listen to you…if you hire a lawyer they take the kids from you. They tell you “document everything”. For what??? I document and turn it into the caseworker, the guardian ad litem, the judge…and FOR WHAT??? For them to say that we have gotten so attached to the child that we want to sabotage her chances to get her back. They make you feel really good about being a foster parent in the classes…the kids need you and you are going to love them and let them know what it is to be loved unconditionally, safe and protected, cherished and that they are worth so much and that this isn’t their fault and LET THEM BE A KID! You get your license and you are so ready to be a part of changing a kid’s life…just to be slapped in the face and told you are too attached to the child and biased towards the mom. I distinctly remember a gentleman asking the leader of the class about attachment and how attached we should let ourselves become and what do we do if they WANT to call us mom and dad ( you aren’t allowed to require this of the child). They responded with, “Treat them as if they were your own and it will break your heart but you just have to do it. You have to get attached and fall in love with them because they need that bond. If they choose to call you mom and dad, let them. Don’t correct.” Yet, the child is getting in trouble because she chose to call us mom and dad from the second day she was with us…we are getting treated poorly because we fell in love with the child. The horror stories they told us about if a child throws your T.V. down the stairs and smashes it you shouldn’t get on to them…those things caused an uproar in the class and made us scared. How will these kids behave? Will that really happen? Will the kids really behave this way and be so our of control and angry? We have YET to get a child who was anything BUT sweet, courteous, well mannered, beautiful, intelligent, loving…In a system built to protect kids and take them from harmful situations and place them in loving family while their family gets their life together..and if they don’t the child is placed with an adoptive family…we have NOT seen this. We have seen a system that wants the child back home regardless of the situation and will overlook anything to get this done…even the most obvious of things. I will say this, it’s not like this in EVERY county. We have worked with three counties…one was pretty good, one is EXCELLENT, and one is TERRIBLY INCOMPETENT. The princess is in the latter one unfortunately. I cannot give you details but if you knew all of the things that have been turned in, all of the things mom has admitted, all of the things that are so OBVIOUS that DHS is overlooking in order to get this child sent home you would be appalled. I digress……

Wednesday night the Princess stays with her bio mom and spends all day Thursday with her. Thursday we go to her counseling session (we are allowed to go anytime we want) and I am on one hand unbelievably excited because I will get to see the Princess and it’s been 1 ½ days since I have seen her. On the other hand I am anxious to see how she did. We get there and sit in the lobby where my husband reads our daughter books and I worry until I hear her voice and she races into the building. She runs up to me and screams, “Heeeeeyyyyyy Mommmmyyy!!!!” and gives me a huge bear hug. I hug her back and then in a split second she is off. She is racing from one person to the next, from one part of the room to the next like a person on speed. I look her over and see that she is wearing the outfit I packed, the sandals I packed with socks as well (why I have NO idea) and one is inside out…her hair is all over her head and has a rubber band holding a few strings in an attempt at a pony tail. Her mom looks exhausted and begins to tell us that the Princess got mad at her that morning and slapped her in the face. Okay. We have never seen behavior like this before from her but just ask why. Apparently, she was on the computer and didn’t want to get off of it to come to counseling. No comment. The Princess is still going 90 to nothing and wired!! I am watching her like a hawk and then the counselor comes in the lobby and takes my husband, daughter and I back first to talk about how things are going and our concerns (because we all know this just really gets things done). After we talk she brings in the Princess and her bio mom. This is when everything falls apart and I want to SCREAM!!!!!! I listen to her mom aimlessly list the things they did that night and describe how perfectly things were going but am watching the Princess the whole time and I see that look in her eyes that I have seen once before….lost, confused, hurt. WILD. She is everywhere…can’t contain her energy and then she begins to run
towards me to show me a toy she is playing with. I immediately began to see red…she is running with her legs swinging outwards like and so awkward, almost as if her hips hurt her. She is clumsy and runs into things and keeps tripping. While she runs she sticks her bottom out like a duck and from the waist up she is hunched over and runs clumsily and strange and stomps each foot as it comes down. It’s so hard to explain but it was so crazy that the session comes to a halt and the counselor asks, “Why is running so weird?” I of course pipe in and want to know the same! Mom doesn’t know…she didn’t notice anything…maybe it’s the sandals. I inform them that she wears those sandals all of the time and never has a problem. Maybe it’s because she is wearing socks with them…does she ever wear socks with sandals? I say no…and wonder what kind of question is that…who puts socks on with sandals on their child??? Mom says she insisted on wearing socks with them and wouldn’t let her take them off. Let. This is how their relationship is…the Princess runs the show. She has never once insisted on wearing socks with sandals..she hates socks period. I can’t keep them on her…even in winter when I tell her that she has to wear them I constantly turn around to see she has them in the hamper and have to put them back on. She won’t wear slippers either. Mom says one…that’s right ONE…of the sandals looks too small. No, they aren’t too small. The more questions that come up and the more the Princess runs awkwardly the more nervous mom seems to get. I try to ask the Princess if her legs hurt…joke with her about her running like a duck to see if she will tell me. She says, “Mommy, What’s wrong with you?” and I respond, “Me? You are the one running like a duck!” hoping she will let it out. No. The subject is dropped and they move on. They want to talk to mom and the Princess alone and so we take our daughter to the zoo to play in the splash pad while they finish counseling and head to speech. She had a blast on the splash pad for a while but it started getting windy and she was cold so we went to the DHS office to wait for the next 30 minutes until the Princess is there to go home with us…because let’s face it…gas to just ride around isn’t cheap. We talk for a bit and then hear the Princess again…she is still running awkward and WILD. Mom brings her in the office and looks like she may pass out from exhaustion at any minute. She looks aggravated and says that the Princess had a bad time and slapped the speech therapist in the face. I already had plans to call the speech therapist on our way home to see how it went and when she said that I was ready to leave to go call. Mom leaves and the Princess is more wild if that’s even possible. She gets a pencil and paper and begins stabbing the paper with her pencil and scribbling really hard. She seems very angry. She tries to stab my daughter on the arm with a pencil for what reason I don’t know. This isn’t the little girl I know. We leave and I try to control myself but at this point I have a million emotions. Most of it being ANGER!!!!! I call speech and it’s one minute before they close and I pray someone answers. I get the therapist and tell her what the judge decided and that she just spent the night with her mom for the first time the night before and all day that day and that mom said the Princess slapped her in the face. I apologize for her behavior but tell her I need to know what happened. She tells me that the Princess did swing at her but didn’t make contact and definitely didn’t slap her in the face. She said that the little girl in that room today was a different little girl…that she was so angry and wouldn’t do anything for her…just ran around the room angry. She just sat in the chair and watched because after several attempts…nothing worked and she refused to cooperate. I could hear the shock and concern in her voice and asked her if she noticed her running different. She said definitely and described it to me exactly as I described it to you. I asked her if she would be willing to write this down and maybe call the Princess’ caseworker and supervisor to tell them what she had just told me. She wasn’t sure she could do that legally but told me to find out if she could talk to someone and she would be more than happy to because it was the worse she had ever seen her and was worried. She said she documented everything to be turned in and assured me she would do whatever she could to help us. It’s a small ray of hope that I know won’t do any good but I cling to it anyway and breath a sigh of relief. Maybe it just felt nice for someone to finally see what we see!!! How this child responds to her mom’s care. I again try to calm myself and then call the Princess’ lawyer on his cell phone and leave him a message to call me back ASAP. The next morning his secretary returns my call and says he isn’t in and won’t hush until I tell her what the concern is. She says she will have him call me and I hear in her voice what I am so used to hearing lately….indifference. Once again, we are concerned for nothing…it’s all in our heads..we are trying to sabotage mom’s chance of getting her child back. I hang up feeling even more defeated and somehow manage to pray that he will call me back Monday morning and be the lawyer for her that she NEEDS him to be. That someone will FIGHT FOR HER!! Until that phone call the feelings of defeat, helplessness, anxiety, hurt, anger and desperation are overwhelming!! And I have no hope that he will do anything to change that. The only hope we have is that God will intervene and do a miracle. I know He CAN…I just pray He WILL!!!!

We Are Still Here.....

and sorry it took so long to update. Life has been extremely busy here. Here are the things we have accomplished since my last post:

We had a Southern Belle and a Cowgirl for Halloween and Trick-Or-Treated three time. Once in our community at relatives houses. Once at a block party in a local town. Once at our zoo. We had more candy than we knew what to do with. Well, the girls knew EXACTLY what to do with it.

We celebrated Thanksgiving with family and baked lots of food and also ate too much food. I went to my first Black Friday sale and it was quite the experience. I had scratch marks up my arm.

The Princess is now at 80-90% in her speech and is talking our ears off. We love it. She also just recently WROTE HER NAME for the first time!!

We have a new caseworker on the Princess’ case that we so far LOVE. We also have a court date….FINALLY. We go to court on January 31^st and DHS thinks the judge is going to TPR (Terminate Parental Rights). Praying and trying hard to leave it in God’s hands. I snatch it back out to worry often. Just being real.

Madison’s case went to court on November 2^nd and the judge ruled TPR. He terminated rights immediately and she is legally free. Since then, we have had an in home visit/interview and done the paperwork for the adoption. Last week we received a letter in the mail saying we are approved to adopt Madison. Since we are using Madison’s Guardian Ad Litem (the lawyer assigned to her case during the time she is in foster care that fights for her) the adoption is free. What a blessing!! We have turned in all of the paperwork and are now waiting for a court date. They are thinking it should be between February and March. CANNOT WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!

We celebrated Jesus’ birthday and Santa Claus came. We met him a few times and sat in his lap and asked him for…..EYESHADOW. The Princess asked for Pink and Madison asked for Purple. Santa brought both. They LOVED the whole month of cookie making, crafts and other festivities. They went to 2 Christmas parties for foster care and had a blast. The got more presents than any kid should be allowed to get from digital cameras, scooters, clothes, games, puzzles, twin baby dolls, doctor kit, wooden food, new wood kitchen, make up kits to books, dress up clothes, Barbies, Rock N Roll Elmo, jewelry, Fazoodles and more. This is the only year Christmas will look like this. We had a blast spoiling them on their first Christmas with us and they had so much fun. I think the thing they enjoyed most during the Christmas season was our Christmas tree!! Everytime I mention taking it down they get upset….it’s still up. I may have to sneak it down after they go to bed one night. I admit though….I have enjoyed it more this year than any other year. Maybe it’s seeing the ornaments they made on it…maybe it was seeing them sit in front of it smiling and taking it in. Either way we all hate to see it go. Decorating was definitely a sweet memory as was going to the walk through Lewis Lights with them and friends.

We have decided to home school….knowing everyone will have strong opinions….but it’s what we think is best for our family. We are looking forward to it and their best friends right down the road are home schooling as well so we are in good company.

The Princess was diagnosed with PDD (Pervasive Development Disorder). There isn’t anything we can’t get through….that little girl is my heart.

Madison’s hair has grown long enough to put in pigtails and this may seem silly listing this but it was a HUGE deal to her when she could wear her hair just like her big sister.

My brother and his fiancé set their wedding date for January 27, 2012. Guess who the girl flower girls are? You guessed it…my sweet girls!! I am the Maid of Honor and my husband is the Best Man.

Our new favorite cartoons are as follows: Phineas and Pherb (“PhinFerb”), Max & Ruby, Dora The Explorer, the whiny Calilou, and Clifford The Big Red Dog.

The Princess has decided she is not a cowgirl, even though she still loves all things cowgirl, and has declared that is a “Frincess” (Princess) and our house is HER castle!





That’s the update for our family…..I will post a New Years post tonight with the highlights of 2011 for our family!!

Forever.....

Today brought lots of news. But all good news! That’s what you call a good day!! I think I spent 80% of it on the phone…which was the only downfall. I HATE talking on the phone. Tomorrow will most likely be the same…but after today…bring it on!!

First off we received the results from The Princess’ psych evaluation she had a few weeks ago. She was diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and ADHD…which I expected. Autism was said to be a very slight “possible” and ODD (Obstinant Defiance Disorder) was ruled out. Yay!!! She is going to be just fine. It’s nothing we can’t get through. If I have learned anything it’s that faith and prayer get things done!!! I prayed for a good report and that she wouldn’t have to battle Autism because she already has SO much to get through. I prayed PTSD and ADHD would be it…because I knew she had it. Now we pray that being in a loving, stable home with people who love her and a large dose of Jesus will get her through PTSD. As for ADHD…it could be worse and she will be fine. The evaluation said the dominance is in hyperactivity. What a shocker! Ha-ha…she is definitely that. We just prefer to call it spirited. 8) Like I said, it could be worse.

I was pretty pumped from talking to them about her results and then it was time for her to go for her counseling. Her caseworker was picking her up today instead of the person who normally transports her. I knew this wouldn’t be easy. I told her “Mrs.______” would be picking her up instead. She said “NO! I go with ____!” Needless, to say when the caseworker got there she began screaming as soon as she walked in our front door. She jumped in Ronnie’s lap and clung to him screaming, “My Daddy!!!” and wouldn’t go. I promised her she was coming home and we would go visit Granda and play castle with her. (AKA: playing in the mud.) She was still crying when we put her in the car seat and kissed her bye. Have I mentioned yet how much I HATE when she has to leave when she clearly doesn’t want to go? I do…more than you know. She is always scared she isn’t coming back. Sheesh…so are we! We may have PTSD too from dealing with this up and down for almost 8 months. She went and was gone for almost 4 hours which was unusual since her counseling is the only thing she had to do today and it is for 1 hour. I figured they must have ended up talking and discussing things but wasn’t going to ask. I WILL be asking tomorrow, however, why she came home with a big blue bruise on her forehead. 8( I didn’t have to ask why the meeting was late…

The caseworker brought her home and she ran into the door and said “Hey, Madison! Hey, Mama!!” 8) The caseworker told me to call her at 8 o’clock the next morning to talk to her. I told her I would. But then she said, “I want to talk to you to see how ya’ll feel about adoption!” I seriously am surprised I was capable of answering her so fast, but I immediately said, “There’s no need for a phone call. The answer is yes!” She said the counselor asked today if it was possible for an open adoption. The DHS supervisor said they don’t negotiate. However, it seems we are headed towards an adoption. I am still in complete shock and awe!! Shock that it happened so fast and awe that God did exactly what I have begged for!! For her mom to sign her rights over and walk away. How incredibly awesome is that??? I sometimes thought maybe that wasn’t the right prayer or maybe that was asking something too big. I have never been more glad to be wrong. I will call tomorrow to see where we go from here…if they are going to come straight out with it and ask her if she wants to sign her rights over or if we have to wait and see. I am still praying hard that she will sign them over quickly and we can be done with the visits. I am also praying nothing happens in which we HAVE to, for some reason, let The Princess keep in touch in order to adopt. It isn’t a tie that needs to be kept in her situation. Please pray with us that bio mom will sign her rights over and will walk away completely. Thank you to those who continually pray for and encourage us. It means a great deal more than you will ever know…for us…but mainly for our girls and their future. I am thankful I know who holds their future in their hands. And it isn’t DHS or the judge.

(*I will update you again tomorrow after I talk to DHS more.*)

Highlights from the past few days:

Watching the girls play with their water guns today in their floppy sunhats of Granda’s and hearing Madison say, “I’m a lady!” when she put hers on.

The Princess talking in complete sentences for the past few days all day long!!!

Madison washing The Princess’ hair in the bathtub tonight and The Princess pretended to cry because water got in her eyes. Madison said, “I told you to close your eyes!”

Sitting at the dinner table about to eat and The Princess said, “WAIT!” and held out her hands on either side of her to say grace.

Watching the girls at the movies last night and completely LOVING it. In the middle of the movie Madison turned to The Princess and said, “I love you!” and then they hugged and kissed each other.

Hearing the girls sing as loud as they can in the backseat of the truck to the radio.

Flipping through the songs on my Adele CD in the truck and Madison says, “Wait mama, that’s my song!”

When the Princess says, “I make a name!” and then draws a picture.

Brief Update...

This will be a brief update on our journey the past few weeks…I am sorry for not blogging lately. We are still here and these are some of the things we have done/accomplished since my last blog entry:

We have learned how to ride our bike pretty well…still need practice.


We had a blast at a Spongebob birthday party.

We got tattoos.


We went to the zoo again and had fun playing in the splash pad.


We always love seeing the animals.

And riding the carousel.


Had a bonfire with our friends.

Made Halloween cupcakes.


Enjoyed sisterhood.

And just been plain sweet!

Update on Madison: Mom and Legal Father have both signed their rights away as of last week. TPR (Termination of Parental Rights) will go very smoothly on November 2nd since nobody is contesting it. 8] We are beyond thrilled that this beautiful, brilliant, sweet child will be our daughter!

Update on the Princess: Court last week found her going home with us. Court again December 1st. Her Grandma has come in the picture and said she wants her. Judge gave them 30 days to see if she passes all background checks and to get her own place to live. If this is accomplished in 30 days (and she passes all screenings) The Princess will go live with her and be adopted by her if she becomes available for adoption. I am praying like I have never prayed before, stressed beyond belief, SHOCKED and terrified!!!! Please pray with us that the 30 days will go by without these things happening. I can't imagine how we would go on without her...she is our baby, our daughter, our heart and Maddie's "sissy". I can't even let my mind go there....Please pray with us!!!!

July 2, 2008....

God answered our prayer for a child even though we didn't know it at the time. On this day our miracle was born...even though she wasn't born to us. Her mom struggled with issues of her own and at birth Madison was brought to a woman who was a friend of the family. This woman we owe enormous thanks to. She took our Madison and raised her for 2 1/2 years. This woman didn't just raise Madison...she ADORED her! She kept her from many things that could have hurt Madison. If it had not been for her, Madison would not be the innocent child she is today. I will forever be grateful to this woman...God used her to watch over our Madison until she came to us. I don't know why she wasn't born to us...only that maybe she was an answer to prayers for the woman who raised her as well.
On December 22, 2010 Madison was taken from the woman who raised her and sent to a foster home. She left the foster home in mid January 2011 and was sent to live with a great aunt. And on March 23, 2011 we welcomed Madison as our daughter into our home and hearts. I won’t forget one single second of that day. She showed up looking lost and scared…today she is all smiles, laughter and gives her Mommy and Daddy tons of kisses each day. She is our little diva…insisting on make-up, jewelry, perfume, purses and girly clothes. She is everything I dreamed our little girl would be and more. She is Daddy’s girl and Mommy’s sweetheart. With a heart of gold, a smile and laugh that is contagious and dimples to boot…she has stolen our heart. God has blessed us beyond what we asked for and more than we deserve.

This past Wednesday we took Madison to say goodbye to the woman who raised her, her aunt and her 3 sisters. Her aunt never showed up with her 3 sisters. We talked to the woman for about 2 hours while our girls played and listened as she told us about Madison’s first 2 ½ years. Madison was born on time and was a laid back, easy baby. This is no shock…she is still laid back and the easiest child I have ever known. She was born with her bottom two teeth, she stood up at 6 months and crawled at 9 months. She was a late talker and walker…not doing either until after she turned 1. She then began to run and has never walked since. This is a true statement. Everywhere Madison goes…she runs to get there. We have given up telling her to walk inside the house. She didn’t talk until after she turned 1...this doesn’t surprise me as well. She has tons to say now but is quite the observer. She takes it all in and has the memory of an elephant! The scar on her left knee is from continuously climbing on a glass coffee table until she fell and cut her knee open on it. Her biological father has never been a part of her life. She proudly told the woman that Ronnie was her Daddy and pointed to him! 8) Madison has three sisters who are 13, 9 and 7. All 4 are beautiful!!

We were given a CD with pictures of Madison from birth until 2 ½ years of age when she was taken, a letter, some of her clothes, her toys (some from her 1^st Christmas and some from her 1^st Valentine’s Day). She took pictures of Madison with us and we took pictures of Madison with her on her camera. We gave her a CD we made with all of our pictures since we have had her. The woman bought a copy of all of the movies she used to watch with Madison to send with her and a stack of books her aunt and uncle had bought for her. We talked and exchanged email addresses and then we said goodbye. We thanked her for loving our Madison and keeping her safe. We thanked her for raising her to be such a sweet, loving child with wonderful manners and who asked to go to church to see her Jesus. She hugged Madison and told her that we were her Mommy and Daddy and she would be with us forever, that she would be safe and loved and would never be taken from us. She told her she loved her and hugged her goodbye. She had tears in her eyes as Ronnie walked her to her truck. I felt horrible for her. It’s a weird feeling…elated that this child no longer has to go back and forth and have uncertainty and that she is OURS…and heartbroken for this saint of a woman who made sure Madison was loved and safe and now had to walk away from her. I thought about telling her we would bring Madison to see her occasionally but thought better of it before talking privately to Ronnie. We loaded our girls up and Ronnie said, “How do you think it went?” I told him good but that I felt bad for her. That I thought she was sincere in her love and devotion to Madison. He then said, “I started to tell her we would bring Madison to see her but didn’t think I should until I talked to you first.” 8) God is good isn’t he? We discussed it and have decided after the adoption is final we are going to go pick up the woman every 6 months and take her to dinner so that she can visit with Madison. I will email her updates every week and leave pictures of Madison at the DHS office for her to pick up. It’s not much…but how do you repay such a debt? I want to share some pictures of our Madison with you from the first 2 ½ years of her life…before she came to her forever home.

My cup runneth over....