Wednesday, August 3, 2011

He is Emmanuel: "God With Us"!

This couldn't have been more true this week. More! It has been quite the week. On Saturday I accidentally poked myself in the eye with my finger and my nail scratched my cornea. I suffered through holding a wet washcloth over my eye until Sunday morning. And I just want you to know it WAS PAINFUL!!!!! I couldn't even open my eye and my head was pounding from the strain on my other eye. Not a fun experience at all. I went to Immediate Care bright and early Sunday morning. (I didn't go Saturday evening because it was almost 6pm and I knew it would be so packed on a Saturday night we would be there until the wee hours of the morning. With a 3 and 4 year old. Not fun. I was told I have two bad, deep cuts on my eye and given antibiotic eye drops as well as some drops to numb the pain. And the perk? I got to wear an eye patch. Like a pirate. (This is dripping with sarcasm.) Have you ever worn one of those horrible things? Not only are they hideous and cause many, MANY stares everywhere you go...the strings cut behind your ear and hurt. They are so uncomfortable. My husband took off work Monday so I could lay down and rest while he watched the girls. (My headache was excruciating at this point.) My girls pampered me and brought me nose was running for some reason. They kissed the eye patch and my cheek several times and asked if I was okay and if it was getting better. Sweet girls. They took good care of Mama. Today I was finally able to take the pirate eye patch off and go without it. But in the sun, I still have to wear sunglasses. (Madison told me I was a "Pirate Mommy".) It's still bothering me in that bright lights make me feel a little queasy and my head hurt and makes my eye really burn. But it's much more tolerable. And now....drum roll....I have a stomach issue. I'm telling you. It's been a rough few days. I have been battling nausea since around 5 this afternoon and am drinking a bottle of Pepto- Bismol as I type this. 8/  Maybe it's my nerves? I don't know...but it's unwelcome!
Monday afternoon I was laying down in bed and the house phone rang. It was a DHS worker. Let me stop right here to tell you about this lady who called. She is an ANGEL and I know without a doubt that God sent her to us. To The Princess to be exact. She transports The Princess to her meetings each week and The Princess loves her. She fell in love with The Princess also. (It's hard not to.) She fights for The Princess tooth and nail!! We don't worry for one secon when she is gone all day with her. We know she is in excellent care and that she feels safe. That means the world to me. This child doesn't always feel safe in every situation because she is scared of change and people leaving her. I have worried often that this woman...angel....would be called off of The Princess' case and we wouldn't have someone fighting so hard for her. I voiced this to her and she said, "Don't keep your eyes on me. Keep them on God. The Princess is in His care and He is good at what He does." Back to the phone call....I answered the phone and her voice was sad. I knew something was wrong.
“Stephanie, I am off of the case!”. I think I didn’t hear much after that and hung up after only a few minutes. I laid there and tried to process it all. To think about what this meant for us and for The Princess. It meant another person was out of her life and I had to explain this to her. It meant she would take steps back in trusting people. It meant we had to get her used to new people, which she hates and does not do well with. It meant watching her cry and hold her arms out to us when the new people picked her up to transport her. It meant we didn’t have this woman’s testimony on the stand when we went to court in August. We NEED her testimony. It meant a lot of travel again which she also hates and doesn’t help our already crazy schedule. My heart
sunk. I was angry, disappointed, sad, nervous and everything in between. Ronnie was angry. This little girl can’t catch a break. How long does she have to keep going through this…uncertainty and instability. I analyzed it over and over and then….I was determined. If nobody else was going to fight for her…I sure would! I called the caseworker back and asked more questions and then decided to schedule a meeting with The Princess’ caseworker and the supervisor and find out what we were looking at…where we go from here. Amazingly, we were able to get a meeting the next afternoon. Tuesday morning we headed up there and sat down with them and our list of questions. I got my questions answered, but it seemed there was a definite hostility. When we left I was still discouraged. We had gotten answers, yes. But, the hostility meant this was going to be just as hard as I had imagined. I told Ronnie, “We are going to have a hard time standing up for her and fighting.” He agreed. I stewed on it for a few hours and that evening we went to shop and go out to eat. We were driving around and I finally just knew I had to trust God to take care of The Princess. He is good at what He does. DHS and the Judge won’t have the last word where she is concerned. God will. I love that little girl to death…how much more does God love her. I will fight for her with everything in me. He already did. If you rip my heart into tiny shreds, you will see my girls on every shred. God will have the last word and I had to trust Him to take care of her. I had just posted this on Facebook when my cellphone rang. It was The Princess' angel...calling to say she was back on the case. In her voice was joy and exhilaration!! Same as mine. Yesterday she cried with me on the phone for this little girl that she has fallen in love with . Today, we laughed together and shared our joy! I cannot express to you how much was lifted off of my shoulders in that moment. I had peace. It's not over by far...we have a long ways to go. The Princess has many obstacles facing, but she is tough. She is a fighter by far!! But more importantly, we have a HUGE God that is guiding us in this journey. Holding our hand. Holding my Princess' hand and He will never fail us. He showed us compassion today and I am humbled and full of gratitude. He is Emmanuel: "God With Us!".