Tuesday, August 16, 2011

The Waiting Game....

I am exhausted and could fall asleep standing up today…I do not know why. Because of that, this post will be short and I am going to collapse in bed. And pray the girls are feeling just as tired and sleep in. Tomorrow we have an appointment for The Princess to get another round of shots. (For those who don’t know, she never had shots after 6 weeks of age and is getting caught up on immunizations. She will be done with this in November as we do a little at a time.) I am not excited about this. We will have to find a way to cheer her up afterwards. I hate that she has to get it done….it is awful. It breaks my heart the way she screams and begs us not to make her get them. I always end up crying along side her. I am sure they think we are a bunch of nut jobs.

The Princess did well today at her appointments and they said her visit with mom went pretty well this time…usually it’s a fighting match they have to break up. I did find out why she came home with no panties on yesterday which I didn't know until much later when i walked in the bathroom to check on her while pottying. I asked her where her panties were and she said home. Today I was told she had an accident yesterday during counseling. She has yet to have one since she woke up one day moths ago and decided to ditch her pull ups. Anxiety. That she was scared and nervous enough for this to happen makes me see red!!

           Her speech therapist is amazed at how well her speech is and that she is using complete sentences now. This makes for a happy and very proud Mama!! Madison and I stayed home and visited with my brother’s fiancĂ© and did puzzles and laughed. She was a perfect distraction to my thoughts. She has the sweetest spirit. She asked when The Princess would be home and finally said she was tired and wanted her nap. I got tons of housework done and am proud to say….the MOUNTAIN of clothes has been demolished. For today. I am sure it will be back within the blink of an eye! How do 4 people…two of them very tiny….dirty so much laundry?? Anyways, I am trying not to bore you to death!!

As I mentioned on face book earlier today, it seemed the caseworker yesterday jumped the gun in telling me adoption was where we were headed. Today when I called her she said that she was asking us in case this is what happened…which she thinks will. I asked her if bio mom had said she wanted to sign over rights and the answer was no. I think they assumed…although the reason they assumed is legit. I hate assumptions…they give false hope. Hope is what we cling to around here!! When the worker who transports the Princess brought her home she was sacked out sleeping and continued to as I picked her up and put her in the car seat and slept for another 30 minutes. It gave me the chance to talk to the worker who smiled very big and said, “I saw on her file today her worker wrote that she had asked ya’ll about adoption and you said you wanted to.” I don’t know how to interpret the smile. I am taking it with a grain of salt…but hoping. It’s what we do. We hope. Bio mom was supposed to talk to the caseworker today after her visit with The Princess but haven’t heard yet how that went. They were going to ask her again if there are any relatives that could be a relative placement should she come up for adoption. There never has been or she wouldn’t have been placed with us. Mom always said there was nobody. Not sure what her answer was today. However, I feel reassured by my friend, who has been on this journey a lot longer than Ronnie and I, that they have to pass lots of screenings and background checks and so forth and only have 21 days to get their license. Not really worried about that happening. It’s been 9 months…if they were interested in having her I guess they would have already stepped up. Again we hope.

There was a possible silver lining in all of this. The woman who transports the Princess also said that the mom has until November to get her back and have everything in order. I told her this couldn’t be true because she has a year and the Princess came to us in January. The 6th to be exact. She said they had started a case on her in November…but that maybe she was wrong. I am praying she is right.

I apologize that this post seems gloom and doom…we are really okay. We are trying to find the balance of trusting in God and not getting our hopes up. It’s not an easy thing to do. I don’t even know if it’s possible. Ask me later. Things are up in the air and we worry. But I know who is in control and He does an excellent job. And tonight, we have two beautiful girls sleeping in their beds. And they are SAFE. And very much loved. And that is enough for today. God is already in tomorrow.