We Are Still Here.....

and sorry it took so long to update. Life has been extremely busy here. Here are the things we have accomplished since my last post:

We had a Southern Belle and a Cowgirl for Halloween and Trick-Or-Treated three time. Once in our community at relatives houses. Once at a block party in a local town. Once at our zoo. We had more candy than we knew what to do with. Well, the girls knew EXACTLY what to do with it.

We celebrated Thanksgiving with family and baked lots of food and also ate too much food. I went to my first Black Friday sale and it was quite the experience. I had scratch marks up my arm.

The Princess is now at 80-90% in her speech and is talking our ears off. We love it. She also just recently WROTE HER NAME for the first time!!

We have a new caseworker on the Princess’ case that we so far LOVE. We also have a court date….FINALLY. We go to court on January 31^st and DHS thinks the judge is going to TPR (Terminate Parental Rights). Praying and trying hard to leave it in God’s hands. I snatch it back out to worry often. Just being real.

Madison’s case went to court on November 2^nd and the judge ruled TPR. He terminated rights immediately and she is legally free. Since then, we have had an in home visit/interview and done the paperwork for the adoption. Last week we received a letter in the mail saying we are approved to adopt Madison. Since we are using Madison’s Guardian Ad Litem (the lawyer assigned to her case during the time she is in foster care that fights for her) the adoption is free. What a blessing!! We have turned in all of the paperwork and are now waiting for a court date. They are thinking it should be between February and March. CANNOT WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!

We celebrated Jesus’ birthday and Santa Claus came. We met him a few times and sat in his lap and asked him for…..EYESHADOW. The Princess asked for Pink and Madison asked for Purple. Santa brought both. They LOVED the whole month of cookie making, crafts and other festivities. They went to 2 Christmas parties for foster care and had a blast. The got more presents than any kid should be allowed to get from digital cameras, scooters, clothes, games, puzzles, twin baby dolls, doctor kit, wooden food, new wood kitchen, make up kits to books, dress up clothes, Barbies, Rock N Roll Elmo, jewelry, Fazoodles and more. This is the only year Christmas will look like this. We had a blast spoiling them on their first Christmas with us and they had so much fun. I think the thing they enjoyed most during the Christmas season was our Christmas tree!! Everytime I mention taking it down they get upset….it’s still up. I may have to sneak it down after they go to bed one night. I admit though….I have enjoyed it more this year than any other year. Maybe it’s seeing the ornaments they made on it…maybe it was seeing them sit in front of it smiling and taking it in. Either way we all hate to see it go. Decorating was definitely a sweet memory as was going to the walk through Lewis Lights with them and friends.

We have decided to home school….knowing everyone will have strong opinions….but it’s what we think is best for our family. We are looking forward to it and their best friends right down the road are home schooling as well so we are in good company.

The Princess was diagnosed with PDD (Pervasive Development Disorder). There isn’t anything we can’t get through….that little girl is my heart.

Madison’s hair has grown long enough to put in pigtails and this may seem silly listing this but it was a HUGE deal to her when she could wear her hair just like her big sister.

My brother and his fiancé set their wedding date for January 27, 2012. Guess who the girl flower girls are? You guessed it…my sweet girls!! I am the Maid of Honor and my husband is the Best Man.

Our new favorite cartoons are as follows: Phineas and Pherb (“PhinFerb”), Max & Ruby, Dora The Explorer, the whiny Calilou, and Clifford The Big Red Dog.

The Princess has decided she is not a cowgirl, even though she still loves all things cowgirl, and has declared that is a “Frincess” (Princess) and our house is HER castle!





That’s the update for our family…..I will post a New Years post tonight with the highlights of 2011 for our family!!

Forever.....

Today brought lots of news. But all good news! That’s what you call a good day!! I think I spent 80% of it on the phone…which was the only downfall. I HATE talking on the phone. Tomorrow will most likely be the same…but after today…bring it on!!

First off we received the results from The Princess’ psych evaluation she had a few weeks ago. She was diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and ADHD…which I expected. Autism was said to be a very slight “possible” and ODD (Obstinant Defiance Disorder) was ruled out. Yay!!! She is going to be just fine. It’s nothing we can’t get through. If I have learned anything it’s that faith and prayer get things done!!! I prayed for a good report and that she wouldn’t have to battle Autism because she already has SO much to get through. I prayed PTSD and ADHD would be it…because I knew she had it. Now we pray that being in a loving, stable home with people who love her and a large dose of Jesus will get her through PTSD. As for ADHD…it could be worse and she will be fine. The evaluation said the dominance is in hyperactivity. What a shocker! Ha-ha…she is definitely that. We just prefer to call it spirited. 8) Like I said, it could be worse.

I was pretty pumped from talking to them about her results and then it was time for her to go for her counseling. Her caseworker was picking her up today instead of the person who normally transports her. I knew this wouldn’t be easy. I told her “Mrs.______” would be picking her up instead. She said “NO! I go with ____!” Needless, to say when the caseworker got there she began screaming as soon as she walked in our front door. She jumped in Ronnie’s lap and clung to him screaming, “My Daddy!!!” and wouldn’t go. I promised her she was coming home and we would go visit Granda and play castle with her. (AKA: playing in the mud.) She was still crying when we put her in the car seat and kissed her bye. Have I mentioned yet how much I HATE when she has to leave when she clearly doesn’t want to go? I do…more than you know. She is always scared she isn’t coming back. Sheesh…so are we! We may have PTSD too from dealing with this up and down for almost 8 months. She went and was gone for almost 4 hours which was unusual since her counseling is the only thing she had to do today and it is for 1 hour. I figured they must have ended up talking and discussing things but wasn’t going to ask. I WILL be asking tomorrow, however, why she came home with a big blue bruise on her forehead. 8( I didn’t have to ask why the meeting was late…

The caseworker brought her home and she ran into the door and said “Hey, Madison! Hey, Mama!!” 8) The caseworker told me to call her at 8 o’clock the next morning to talk to her. I told her I would. But then she said, “I want to talk to you to see how ya’ll feel about adoption!” I seriously am surprised I was capable of answering her so fast, but I immediately said, “There’s no need for a phone call. The answer is yes!” She said the counselor asked today if it was possible for an open adoption. The DHS supervisor said they don’t negotiate. However, it seems we are headed towards an adoption. I am still in complete shock and awe!! Shock that it happened so fast and awe that God did exactly what I have begged for!! For her mom to sign her rights over and walk away. How incredibly awesome is that??? I sometimes thought maybe that wasn’t the right prayer or maybe that was asking something too big. I have never been more glad to be wrong. I will call tomorrow to see where we go from here…if they are going to come straight out with it and ask her if she wants to sign her rights over or if we have to wait and see. I am still praying hard that she will sign them over quickly and we can be done with the visits. I am also praying nothing happens in which we HAVE to, for some reason, let The Princess keep in touch in order to adopt. It isn’t a tie that needs to be kept in her situation. Please pray with us that bio mom will sign her rights over and will walk away completely. Thank you to those who continually pray for and encourage us. It means a great deal more than you will ever know…for us…but mainly for our girls and their future. I am thankful I know who holds their future in their hands. And it isn’t DHS or the judge.

(*I will update you again tomorrow after I talk to DHS more.*)

Highlights from the past few days:

Watching the girls play with their water guns today in their floppy sunhats of Granda’s and hearing Madison say, “I’m a lady!” when she put hers on.

The Princess talking in complete sentences for the past few days all day long!!!

Madison washing The Princess’ hair in the bathtub tonight and The Princess pretended to cry because water got in her eyes. Madison said, “I told you to close your eyes!”

Sitting at the dinner table about to eat and The Princess said, “WAIT!” and held out her hands on either side of her to say grace.

Watching the girls at the movies last night and completely LOVING it. In the middle of the movie Madison turned to The Princess and said, “I love you!” and then they hugged and kissed each other.

Hearing the girls sing as loud as they can in the backseat of the truck to the radio.

Flipping through the songs on my Adele CD in the truck and Madison says, “Wait mama, that’s my song!”

When the Princess says, “I make a name!” and then draws a picture.

Brief Update...

This will be a brief update on our journey the past few weeks…I am sorry for not blogging lately. We are still here and these are some of the things we have done/accomplished since my last blog entry:

We have learned how to ride our bike pretty well…still need practice.


We had a blast at a Spongebob birthday party.

We got tattoos.


We went to the zoo again and had fun playing in the splash pad.


We always love seeing the animals.

And riding the carousel.


Had a bonfire with our friends.

Made Halloween cupcakes.


Enjoyed sisterhood.

And just been plain sweet!

Update on Madison: Mom and Legal Father have both signed their rights away as of last week. TPR (Termination of Parental Rights) will go very smoothly on November 2nd since nobody is contesting it. 8] We are beyond thrilled that this beautiful, brilliant, sweet child will be our daughter!

Update on the Princess: Court last week found her going home with us. Court again December 1st. Her Grandma has come in the picture and said she wants her. Judge gave them 30 days to see if she passes all background checks and to get her own place to live. If this is accomplished in 30 days (and she passes all screenings) The Princess will go live with her and be adopted by her if she becomes available for adoption. I am praying like I have never prayed before, stressed beyond belief, SHOCKED and terrified!!!! Please pray with us that the 30 days will go by without these things happening. I can't imagine how we would go on without her...she is our baby, our daughter, our heart and Maddie's "sissy". I can't even let my mind go there....Please pray with us!!!!

July 2, 2008....

God answered our prayer for a child even though we didn't know it at the time. On this day our miracle was born...even though she wasn't born to us. Her mom struggled with issues of her own and at birth Madison was brought to a woman who was a friend of the family. This woman we owe enormous thanks to. She took our Madison and raised her for 2 1/2 years. This woman didn't just raise Madison...she ADORED her! She kept her from many things that could have hurt Madison. If it had not been for her, Madison would not be the innocent child she is today. I will forever be grateful to this woman...God used her to watch over our Madison until she came to us. I don't know why she wasn't born to us...only that maybe she was an answer to prayers for the woman who raised her as well.
On December 22, 2010 Madison was taken from the woman who raised her and sent to a foster home. She left the foster home in mid January 2011 and was sent to live with a great aunt. And on March 23, 2011 we welcomed Madison as our daughter into our home and hearts. I won’t forget one single second of that day. She showed up looking lost and scared…today she is all smiles, laughter and gives her Mommy and Daddy tons of kisses each day. She is our little diva…insisting on make-up, jewelry, perfume, purses and girly clothes. She is everything I dreamed our little girl would be and more. She is Daddy’s girl and Mommy’s sweetheart. With a heart of gold, a smile and laugh that is contagious and dimples to boot…she has stolen our heart. God has blessed us beyond what we asked for and more than we deserve.

This past Wednesday we took Madison to say goodbye to the woman who raised her, her aunt and her 3 sisters. Her aunt never showed up with her 3 sisters. We talked to the woman for about 2 hours while our girls played and listened as she told us about Madison’s first 2 ½ years. Madison was born on time and was a laid back, easy baby. This is no shock…she is still laid back and the easiest child I have ever known. She was born with her bottom two teeth, she stood up at 6 months and crawled at 9 months. She was a late talker and walker…not doing either until after she turned 1. She then began to run and has never walked since. This is a true statement. Everywhere Madison goes…she runs to get there. We have given up telling her to walk inside the house. She didn’t talk until after she turned 1...this doesn’t surprise me as well. She has tons to say now but is quite the observer. She takes it all in and has the memory of an elephant! The scar on her left knee is from continuously climbing on a glass coffee table until she fell and cut her knee open on it. Her biological father has never been a part of her life. She proudly told the woman that Ronnie was her Daddy and pointed to him! 8) Madison has three sisters who are 13, 9 and 7. All 4 are beautiful!!

We were given a CD with pictures of Madison from birth until 2 ½ years of age when she was taken, a letter, some of her clothes, her toys (some from her 1^st Christmas and some from her 1^st Valentine’s Day). She took pictures of Madison with us and we took pictures of Madison with her on her camera. We gave her a CD we made with all of our pictures since we have had her. The woman bought a copy of all of the movies she used to watch with Madison to send with her and a stack of books her aunt and uncle had bought for her. We talked and exchanged email addresses and then we said goodbye. We thanked her for loving our Madison and keeping her safe. We thanked her for raising her to be such a sweet, loving child with wonderful manners and who asked to go to church to see her Jesus. She hugged Madison and told her that we were her Mommy and Daddy and she would be with us forever, that she would be safe and loved and would never be taken from us. She told her she loved her and hugged her goodbye. She had tears in her eyes as Ronnie walked her to her truck. I felt horrible for her. It’s a weird feeling…elated that this child no longer has to go back and forth and have uncertainty and that she is OURS…and heartbroken for this saint of a woman who made sure Madison was loved and safe and now had to walk away from her. I thought about telling her we would bring Madison to see her occasionally but thought better of it before talking privately to Ronnie. We loaded our girls up and Ronnie said, “How do you think it went?” I told him good but that I felt bad for her. That I thought she was sincere in her love and devotion to Madison. He then said, “I started to tell her we would bring Madison to see her but didn’t think I should until I talked to you first.” 8) God is good isn’t he? We discussed it and have decided after the adoption is final we are going to go pick up the woman every 6 months and take her to dinner so that she can visit with Madison. I will email her updates every week and leave pictures of Madison at the DHS office for her to pick up. It’s not much…but how do you repay such a debt? I want to share some pictures of our Madison with you from the first 2 ½ years of her life…before she came to her forever home.

My cup runneth over....

The Good Wife's Guide...

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.

Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc and then run a dust cloth over the tables.

Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

Be happy to see him.

Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first- remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.

Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

A good wife always knows her place.



This is an article from Housekeeping Monthly in May of 1955. We have come along way ladies!! I think many women would stay single if this was still the expectation of a wife. I now see why it was expected of them to stay at home...after completing all of their duties as listed they certainly wouldn't have time for anything else. I got a kick out of this article given to me by my mom and wanted to share it with all of you.  I read it to my brother and his response was, "What's wrong with that? That's how it should be!" His fiance certainly has her work cut out for her. 8] So how do you rate as a wife after reading this?!?

More Time...

that’s what we have all been given as of yesterday. Us with the Princess and the bio mom to get her stuff together. Court was supposed to be the 23^rd of this month but yesterday I received a call from the caseworker saying the mom’s lawyer requested it be pushed back. Court is now on the 20^th of September. When I hung the phone up I was ticked…livid even. She gets chance after chance, and LOTS of time. They always manage to cut her a break. I’m just wondering when they will cut the Princess a break…and give her a chance….and give her time to be a kid and sort through everything she has been through. This time I decided to just try to immediately look for a silver lining. I didn’t have to look long….this gives us another month with The Princess. I think we got the better deal.



We had to get another round of shots for the Princess yesterday to catch her up. These were her 15 month shots. She wasn’t thrilled. However, the doctor raved over how much progress she has made…he couldn’t get over how good her speech was. He said over and over how pleased he was and that he thinks that her current environment is what has helped her catch up and do so well. 8) I told him she had been diagnosed with PTSD and ADHD primarily hyperactivity and that they said the issue of whether or not she should be medicated should be raised. From listening to his thoughts on ADHD I don’t think he is going to recommend medication. I am thrilled. You may judge me for that and that’s okay. I don’t judge those who choose to medicate…I just prefer not to. I do know this could change, but we will deal with that when the time comes. Both girls’ lungs sounded good…I asked him to check to make sure we had fully recovered from Bronchitis. It’s the second time we have had it in the last 4 months so I wanted to be sure!!

I told you in my last post that they said her mom had until November to have everything in order to get The Princess back, but I thought it was until January because that’s when she came to us. I am happy…no thrilled….to tell you that I was wrong!! She has until November 15^th . The bad news is that they could give her an extension of 3 months. The way this case is going, I wouldn’t be surprised. But I have to focus on the silver lining…more time with our Princess. And I think someone nailed it when they told me, “If she hasn’t shown us anything by now after 8 months, she isn’t going to. But you have to remember who is in control. Time doesn’t matter…it’s all up to God.” I have never in my life had to rely so much on the grace, compassion and justice of God. It’s a good place to be.

The Waiting Game....

I am exhausted and could fall asleep standing up today…I do not know why. Because of that, this post will be short and I am going to collapse in bed. And pray the girls are feeling just as tired and sleep in. Tomorrow we have an appointment for The Princess to get another round of shots. (For those who don’t know, she never had shots after 6 weeks of age and is getting caught up on immunizations. She will be done with this in November as we do a little at a time.) I am not excited about this. We will have to find a way to cheer her up afterwards. I hate that she has to get it done….it is awful. It breaks my heart the way she screams and begs us not to make her get them. I always end up crying along side her. I am sure they think we are a bunch of nut jobs.

The Princess did well today at her appointments and they said her visit with mom went pretty well this time…usually it’s a fighting match they have to break up. I did find out why she came home with no panties on yesterday which I didn't know until much later when i walked in the bathroom to check on her while pottying. I asked her where her panties were and she said home. Today I was told she had an accident yesterday during counseling. She has yet to have one since she woke up one day moths ago and decided to ditch her pull ups. Anxiety. That she was scared and nervous enough for this to happen makes me see red!!
            
           Her speech therapist is amazed at how well her speech is and that she is using complete sentences now. This makes for a happy and very proud Mama!! Madison and I stayed home and visited with my brother’s fiancé and did puzzles and laughed. She was a perfect distraction to my thoughts. She has the sweetest spirit. She asked when The Princess would be home and finally said she was tired and wanted her nap. I got tons of housework done and am proud to say….the MOUNTAIN of clothes has been demolished. For today. I am sure it will be back within the blink of an eye! How do 4 people…two of them very tiny….dirty so much laundry?? Anyways, I am trying not to bore you to death!!

As I mentioned on face book earlier today, it seemed the caseworker yesterday jumped the gun in telling me adoption was where we were headed. Today when I called her she said that she was asking us in case this is what happened…which she thinks will. I asked her if bio mom had said she wanted to sign over rights and the answer was no. I think they assumed…although the reason they assumed is legit. I hate assumptions…they give false hope. Hope is what we cling to around here!! When the worker who transports the Princess brought her home she was sacked out sleeping and continued to as I picked her up and put her in the car seat and slept for another 30 minutes. It gave me the chance to talk to the worker who smiled very big and said, “I saw on her file today her worker wrote that she had asked ya’ll about adoption and you said you wanted to.” I don’t know how to interpret the smile. I am taking it with a grain of salt…but hoping. It’s what we do. We hope. Bio mom was supposed to talk to the caseworker today after her visit with The Princess but haven’t heard yet how that went. They were going to ask her again if there are any relatives that could be a relative placement should she come up for adoption. There never has been or she wouldn’t have been placed with us. Mom always said there was nobody. Not sure what her answer was today. However, I feel reassured by my friend, who has been on this journey a lot longer than Ronnie and I, that they have to pass lots of screenings and background checks and so forth and only have 21 days to get their license. Not really worried about that happening. It’s been 9 months…if they were interested in having her I guess they would have already stepped up. Again we hope.

There was a possible silver lining in all of this. The woman who transports the Princess also said that the mom has until November to get her back and have everything in order. I told her this couldn’t be true because she has a year and the Princess came to us in January. The 6^th to be exact. She said they had started a case on her in November…but that maybe she was wrong. I am praying she is right.

I apologize that this post seems gloom and doom…we are really okay. We are trying to find the balance of trusting in God and not getting our hopes up. It’s not an easy thing to do. I don’t even know if it’s possible. Ask me later. Things are up in the air and we worry. But I know who is in control and He does an excellent job. And tonight, we have two beautiful girls sleeping in their beds. And they are SAFE. And very much loved. And that is enough for today. God is already in tomorrow.

Forever.....

Today brought lots of news. But all good news! That’s what you call a good day!! I think I spent 80% of it on the phone…which was the only downfall. I HATE talking on the phone. Tomorrow will most likely be the same…but after today…bring it on!!

First off we received the results from The Princess’ psych evaluation she had a few weeks ago. She was diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and ADHD…which I expected. Autism was said to be a very slight “possible” and ODD (Obstinant Defiance Disorder) was ruled out. Yay!!! She is going to be just fine. It’s nothing we can’t get through. If I have learned anything it’s that faith and prayer get things done!!! I prayed for a good report and that she wouldn’t have to battle Autism because she already has SO much to get through. I prayed PTSD and ADHD would be it…because I knew she had it. Now we pray that being in a loving, stable home with people who love her and a large dose of Jesus will get her through PTSD. As for ADHD…it could be worse and she will be fine. The evaluation said the dominance is in hyperactivity. What a shocker! Ha-ha…she is definitely that. We just prefer to call it spirited. 8) Like I said, it could be worse.

I was pretty pumped from talking to them about her results and then it was time for her to go for her counseling. Her caseworker was picking her up today instead of the person who normally transports her. I knew this wouldn’t be easy. I told her “Mrs.______” would be picking her up instead. She said “NO! I go with ____!” Needless, to say when the caseworker got there she began screaming as soon as she walked in our front door. She jumped in Ronnie’s lap and clung to him screaming, “My Daddy!!!” and wouldn’t go. I promised her she was coming home and we would go visit Granda and play castle with her. (AKA: playing in the mud.) She was still crying when we put her in the car seat and kissed her bye. Have I mentioned yet how much I HATE when she has to leave when she clearly doesn’t want to go? I do…more than you know. She is always scared she isn’t coming back. Sheesh…so are we! We may have PTSD too from dealing with this up and down for almost 8 months. She went and was gone for almost 4 hours which was unusual since her counseling is the only thing she had to do today and it is for 1 hour. I figured they must have ended up talking and discussing things but wasn’t going to ask. I WILL be asking tomorrow, however, why she came home with a big blue bruise on her forehead. 8( I didn’t have to ask why the meeting was late…

The caseworker brought her home and she ran into the door and said “Hey, Madison! Hey, Mama!!” 8) The caseworker told me to call her at 8 o’clock the next morning to talk to her. I told her I would. But then she said, “I want to talk to you to see how ya’ll feel about adoption!” I seriously am surprised I was capable of answering her so fast, but I immediately said, “There’s no need for a phone call. The answer is yes!” She said the counselor asked today if it was possible for an open adoption. The DHS supervisor said they don’t negotiate. However, it seems we are headed towards an adoption. I am still in complete shock and awe!! Shock that it happened so fast and awe that God did exactly what I have begged for!! For her mom to sign her rights over and walk away. How incredibly awesome is that??? I sometimes thought maybe that wasn’t the right prayer or maybe that was asking something too big. I have never been more glad to be wrong. I will call tomorrow to see where we go from here…if they are going to come straight out with it and ask her if she wants to sign her rights over or if we have to wait and see. I am still praying hard that she will sign them over quickly and we can be done with the visits. I am also praying nothing happens in which we HAVE to, for some reason, let The Princess keep in touch in order to adopt. It isn’t a tie that needs to be kept in her situation. Please pray with us that bio mom will sign her rights over and will walk away completely. Thank you to those who continually pray for and encourage us. It means a great deal more than you will ever know…for us…but mainly for our girls and their future. I am thankful I know who holds their future in their hands. And it isn’t DHS or the judge.

(*I will update you again tomorrow after I talk to DHS more.*)

Highlights from the past few days:

Watching the girls play with their water guns today in their floppy sunhats of Granda’s and hearing Madison say, “I’m a lady!” when she put hers on.

The Princess talking in complete sentences for the past few days all day long!!!

Madison washing The Princess’ hair in the bathtub tonight and The Princess pretended to cry because water got in her eyes. Madison said, “I told you to close your eyes!”

Sitting at the dinner table about to eat and The Princess said, “WAIT!” and held out her hands on either side of her to say grace.

Watching the girls at the movies last night and completely LOVING it. In the middle of the movie Madison turned to The Princess and said, “I love you!” and then they hugged and kissed each other.

Hearing the girls sing as loud as they can in the backseat of the truck to the radio.

Flipping through the songs on my Adele CD in the truck and Madison says, “Wait mama, that’s my song!”

When the Princess says, “I make a name!” and then draws a picture.

Sharing My Daughter....

Have you ever been in a situation where you were so excited but yet dreading it so much it made your stomach turn…and then you sit back and watch it turn into something surprisingly wonderful? This was our experience today. It’s an unpredictable journey we are on, yet the one who has us on it isn’t unpredictable in the least. He promised to bring beauty out of ashes. And you can hold Him at His word. I have proof: My Madison.

Yesterday we were informed that Madison would have her last visit with her aunts. This may not seem like such wonderful news to you, but to us it’s HUGE! There are certain things we knew we would have to tolerate during this journey before we began, but that doesn’t always make it easy. A lot of times it seems unbearable. And one of those things for me is sharing my child. On the days that she go for visits with her aunts I am reminded once again that she isn’t really mine. I didn’t carry her for 9 months. I didn’t give birth to her or stay up all night with her when she cried. I didn’t hear her first words or see her take her first steps. Yet, she is mine. I was a mother the second she walked in my door. I couldn’t love her anymore if I had given birth to her. I prayed for her before she was born. How is that possible? I have been praying for almost 6 years for our kids. I just didn’t expect them to come to us the way they did. Madison is everything I ever dreamed our daughter would be and so much more. She is beautiful, kind hearted, sweet, brilliant, funny and spirited. She gives her love freely to those she loves through kisses and hugs all day. She ADORES her Daddy and that is just as it should be. She loves all things girly and thinks there is nothing better than spending time with Granda and Papa. She loves to be read to and sings and dances all over the house. She asks to go talk to Jesus constantly. She is our world and we couldn’t imagine life without her.

I was overjoyed when I realized I wouldn’t have to share my Madison with anyone ever again. All day I couldn’t help but think about this chapter of our lives that was finally going to be closed and the next one about to begin. I thought about it so much I didn’t stop to think about the big picture….that this chapter of her life wasn’t closed for HER yet. She still has thoughts and feelings to work through….to figure out in her little mind and her heart.

We dropped her off for her last hour visit and when we picked her up I was still excited but there was this uncertainty. Foster care is unpredictable. I didn’t know how it had went when DHS informed her aunts that they would never see her again. I had to wait until 5 o’clock to call her worker and ask her how it went. At 5:00 my husband hadn’t forgotten…he reminded me very quickly, “It’s 5 o’clock!!!” I called the worker.The “aunt” who raised her from the day she was born until a few weeks before we got her…was broken hearted. She knew this day was coming but she had no idea it would be today. The caseworker informed me the next part was when she needed me to listen to everything before I made a decision to what she was about to ask me. I took a deep breath and in that instant I was terrified. What if it would change everything? The aunt asked for one more visit to be able to tell her goodbye and let her 3 sisters tell her goodbye as well. She wanted to sit down and talk to me and Ronnie. I had a million thoughts running through my mind at this point. What did she want to talk about? Was she warning us she was going to try and fight it? Was the bio mom going to decide to actually fight it hard. But anything that veers from us adopting Madison even in the tiniest of chances…terrifies us. I really thought I may throw up. ….The aunt wanted to sit down with Ronnie and I and tell us Madison’s story. 8*) She wants to tell us everything there is to know about Madison…her life from the day she was born until the day she came to us. She wants to ask if we will please tell Madison her story one day. I can tell you I cried then as I am crying now while typing this. I know you were expecting me to announce an unexpected pregnancy or something extremely different than this. This is better. And yet that doesn’t even describe it. It is handing me my Madison’s past…the 3 1/2 years I missed out on. The one thing I still couldn’t get over…missing THREE AND A HALF YEARS of her life…and they are being handed to me. No, it’s not the same as holding her the first time and her grabbing my finger with her hand…seeing her first smile. I know it’s not the same. But somehow…to us….it is a miracle of it’s own. Time given back. That’s a gift you never get. It’s hard to adequately describe to you what this means to us. It means EVERYTHING. I can’t imagine the sacrifice she is making. To raise this precious little girl for 3 ½ years and then having to give her up. And then sitting across from the people who are “taking her” and giving them this. This gift. I am not sure I could do this. I never expected to feel this much gratitude towards this woman…this indebted. In the beginning, we didn't know how this woman felt about us and we weren't sure how we felt about her. (Later, we admitted we were jealous of her...that she had Madison for the first 2 1/2 years and had Madison's love and adoration.) Now, I am thanking God for this woman who cared for my Madison when I couldn’t care for her myself. Thankful that she taught her Jesus Loves Me and she sings it all day…especially when she is nervous or scared. Today I felt broken hearted for the woman who was losing her child because I have been there. I know what that is like. Did I happen to mention that not only is she telling Madison’s story, but she is also making us a CD with pictures of Madison from birth until she left her at 3 ½? When God blessed us with Madison I was overwhelmed but this…this I am not sure how to describe. That He is thoughtful enough to not only bring us the child we asked for…but to give us back her first 3 ½ years we lost. He is a GOOD GOD!! My Madison is proof of this.

September 8th we will go meet with the aunt and Madison’s 3 sisters. We have decided to tell her we will leave updates on Madison for her through pictures and letters at the DHS office so she can still watch Madison grow up. We will let her know that she is welcome to leave her own letters to Madison as well as pictures of their family, especially her sisters, for us as well. These things will go in her box we have for her when she turns 18 and we tell her her story. We are also going to ask for a picture of her mom to save for her.

This may seem odd to you since I am finally able to not share her. But what I have realized is this: I will always share her. She is not my child. She is on loan to us from God.

Cinderella

Cinderella by: Steven Curtis Chapman
She spins and she sways
To whatever song plays
Without a care in the world
And I'm sitting here wearing
The weight of the world on my shoulders

It's been a long day
And there's still work to do
She's pulling at me
Saying "Dad, I need you

There's a ball at the castle
And I've been invited
And I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone...

She says he's a nice guy and I'd be impressed
She wants to know if I approve of the dress
She says, "Dad, the prom is just one week away
And I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone


She will be gone

Well, she came home today with a ring on her hand
Just glowing and telling us all they had planned
She says, "Dad, the wedding's still six months away
But I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone



I LOVE this song. I admit I cry every time I listen to it….but it’s so very sweet. And so true. How often do you get so busy doing all of the things on your to do list and say to your child, “Hold on, let me do the dishes..” “Hold on, let me fold this load of laundry…” I am embarrassed to admit that I am guilty of this. And then I lay down at night and think to myself…Was that load of laundry really that important that I couldn’t go see the castle they had made with their pots and pans or apply yet another coat of lipstick to my little doll’s lips? Will it not still be there tomorrow? I know beyond a shadow of doubt that the pile of laundry in my bedroom will be there until I myself fold it and put them away. I do not have any assurance that my girls will be here tomorrow. One day they will be going off to college and I will be sitting here depressed wondering where all of the time went. I don’t want any regrets. I want to know I invested all of my time and love in them. That same pile of laundry in my bedroom that is there now…may be there 14 years from now when my oldest goes to college. I would rather paint and make cookies…take them outside to play with their kitten…build castles in the dirt or take them swimming in the creek. I’d rather dance with Cinderella!!

                                                                    

Bugs In Our Teeth, Psychologists, and Random Laughs

We are still alive…sorry about the lapse in posts. We have been very busy and going on little sleep around our house. I could sleep for a year!!
         In other news, we have bugs in out teeth. By “we”, I mean Madison. And by “bugs”, I mean cavities. I always tell the girls if they don’t let me brush their teeth they will get bugs in them. It gets the point across….and they let me brush their teeth! She went to the dentist on Thursday and came back with the news that she needed to go back in a few weeks to get fillings due to bugs. However, her caseworker bragged on how well behaved and well mannered she is. I am a proud Mama. There’s nothing like people having your kid for a day and being told they were “perfect”. She is a sweetie pie. Apparently everyone in the dentist office loved her and thought she was as well. Her caseworker said she sat very patiently to be called and as soon as her name was called she got up and went back. She did everything the dentist asked and when she left she said, “Thanks for looking at my teeth!”. Sweet girl…she was SO excited about her day with her caseworker that she was bouncing around all morning. I packed her a lunch which was icing on the cake. She doesn’t get to use her lunchbox a lot like The Princess does because she usually leaves in the evenings. When her caseworker showed up to get her, she grabbed her lunchbox and took off for the door screaming, “Bye Mama!” No kisses or hugs for Mama. When I mentioned it she ran back and gave me a kiss and then took off for the door again. Halfway there she ran back telling her caseworker to “wait!” and kissed The Princess on the cheek and then hugged her saying, “I love you! I’ll be back in a lil bit!” And then she was running out the door again. I love her adoration for her “big sissy”…and I really love that she loves her caseworker and likes going with her. And hopefully we won’t get any more bugs in our teeth.
          Wednesday we went for The Princess’ psychiatric evaluation. I was relieved that she woke up late (she is not a morning person) and in an incredibly cheerful mood. She was extremely cooperative getting ready…this really helped relieve Mama‘s jitters. I told her we were going to see a man who would ask her some questions but Mama and Daddy would be there the whole time. She did really well for him! I heard her answering the questions (as best she could) and giggling a lot. She talks about snakes all of the time…so when I heard him ask her what a picture was and heard her response…I couldn’t help but laugh. She said, “That’s a snake…he bite you!” And made a loud biting noise. She did good. While she was being tested I went in the psychologist’s office to answer some questions for him and fill out some paperwork about her behaviors. After discussing everything, down to the smallest of details, he said he is most likely going to diagnose her with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). He asked us if this sounded accurate. It made perfect sense! The meltdowns, the temper tantrums, the ANXIETY!! It makes perfect sense. While I hate that she has any diagnosis and obstacles to face…I am relieved with this diagnosis in a sense. I knew one of the things he was concerned about was Bi-Polar…and he didn’t seem convinced that Autism should be ruled out. After seeing her and talking to her…he saw how much anxiety she has. For instance, if my parents and siblings are babysitting or just have her over to play, she gets anxious after a while and wants to know where Ronnie and I are. She gets anxious when Madison goes for her visit and is gone long. She gets anxious when she has to go to the DHS office and in many other situations. Often so much so that she would have diarrhea. It explains a lot. Treatment for PTSD is therapy and medication. I was relieved to find out DHS doesn’t like to medicate. She is only 4 and I am not one for medicating a child (or anyone for that matter) unless it is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY and the LAST RESORT. I know some children need it and I am not condemning those families at all as we all want to do whatever we have to to help our babies. I just feel for this diagnosis she can get through it from being in a SECURE and STABLE environment where she knows she is safe and loved. And with much, much prayer! And if there are two things these girls are covered in…it’s love and prayers! It amazes me the numerous people we find out are praying for our girls and I cannot begin to tell you how much we appreciate it! We feel and see it at work in their lives and our own each and everyday. Our Princess is tough…I know it is because she has had to be…but she is TOUGH! And Her God is BIG!! She will get through this.
         Madison came up to me tonight after watching The Princess And The Frog movie and said so matter of fact, “Mama, I’m not kissing a frog!” I said, “You won’t? Not to even to find your prince?” She thought for a second and said, “I’ll kiss him on the cheek! NOT on the lips!” Hahaha…I asked her who her Prince was thinking she would say her Daddy like most little girls. Nope. She said, “Mickey Mouse.” Sorry Daddy! You better buy her more chicken nuggets and make sure Santa brings her the Power Wheels car she wants to bring up your rating.
         The Princess has been talking in complete sentences more and thankfully…around other people besides Ronnie and I like usual. We were in the car shopping with my mom and sister yesterday and she said, “I want some water, Mama!” My mom was just as excited as we get when this happens and said, “Did you just hear that?” Ha…it may not sound like much, but it is. It’s a HUGE deal for her. Any progress no matter how small is a big deal. She also has only had two temper tantrums since I posted on Facebook and on here asking for advice on her tantrums. You know, she potty trained about two days after I posted on Facebook asking for advice on potty training a child who is constantly traveling. I am seeing a pattern here. Tomorrow I will be posting advice for how to get a child to eat their vegetables. Any vegetables….even one!!! And I will be waiting for the next miracle. 8)
        Life is never dull at our house as the girls are into everything and constantly saying the funniest things ever! I don’t know where they come up with this stuff…but I know I wouldn’t trade any of it for all of the tea in China. Or maybe I should say for all of the sweet tea in the south. These girls have brought such joy, love, and hope into our lives. Someone told me the other day that the girls were so lucky to have us. My response to this is always the same…we feel like we are the lucky ones!!

He is Emmanuel: "God With Us"!

This couldn't have been more true this week. More specifically...today! It has been quite the week. On Saturday I accidentally poked myself in the eye with my finger and my nail scratched my cornea. I suffered through holding a wet washcloth over my eye until Sunday morning. And I just want you to know it WAS PAINFUL!!!!! I couldn't even open my eye and my head was pounding from the strain on my other eye. Not a fun experience at all. I went to Immediate Care bright and early Sunday morning. (I didn't go Saturday evening because it was almost 6pm and I knew it would be so packed on a Saturday night we would be there until the wee hours of the morning. With a 3 and 4 year old. Not fun. I was told I have two bad, deep cuts on my eye and given antibiotic eye drops as well as some drops to numb the pain. And the perk? I got to wear an eye patch. Like a pirate. (This is dripping with sarcasm.) Have you ever worn one of those horrible things? Not only are they hideous and cause many, MANY stares everywhere you go...the strings cut behind your ear and hurt. They are so uncomfortable. My husband took off work Monday so I could lay down and rest while he watched the girls. (My headache was excruciating at this point.) My girls pampered me and brought me tissues...my nose was running for some reason. They kissed the eye patch and my cheek several times and asked if I was okay and if it was getting better. Sweet girls. They took good care of Mama. Today I was finally able to take the pirate eye patch off and go without it. But in the sun, I still have to wear sunglasses. (Madison told me I was a "Pirate Mommy".) It's still bothering me in that bright lights make me feel a little queasy and my head hurt and makes my eye really burn. But it's much more tolerable. And now....drum roll....I have a stomach issue. I'm telling you. It's been a rough few days. I have been battling nausea since around 5 this afternoon and am drinking a bottle of Pepto- Bismol as I type this. 8/  Maybe it's my nerves? I don't know...but it's unwelcome!
Monday afternoon I was laying down in bed and the house phone rang. It was a DHS worker. Let me stop right here to tell you about this lady who called. She is an ANGEL and I know without a doubt that God sent her to us. To The Princess to be exact. She transports The Princess to her meetings each week and The Princess loves her. She fell in love with The Princess also. (It's hard not to.) She fights for The Princess tooth and nail!! We don't worry for one secon when she is gone all day with her. We know she is in excellent care and that she feels safe. That means the world to me. This child doesn't always feel safe in every situation because she is scared of change and people leaving her. I have worried often that this woman...angel....would be called off of The Princess' case and we wouldn't have someone fighting so hard for her. I voiced this to her and she said, "Don't keep your eyes on me. Keep them on God. The Princess is in His care and He is good at what He does." Back to the phone call....I answered the phone and her voice was sad. I knew something was wrong.
“Stephanie, I am off of the case!”. I think I didn’t hear much after that and hung up after only a few minutes. I laid there and tried to process it all. To think about what this meant for us and for The Princess. It meant another person was out of her life and I had to explain this to her. It meant she would take steps back in trusting people. It meant we had to get her used to new people, which she hates and does not do well with. It meant watching her cry and hold her arms out to us when the new people picked her up to transport her. It meant we didn’t have this woman’s testimony on the stand when we went to court in August. We NEED her testimony. It meant a lot of travel again which she also hates and doesn’t help our already crazy schedule. My heart
sunk. I was angry, disappointed, sad, nervous and everything in between. Ronnie was angry. This little girl can’t catch a break. How long does she have to keep going through this…uncertainty and instability. I analyzed it over and over and then….I was determined. If nobody else was going to fight for her…I sure would! I called the caseworker back and asked more questions and then decided to schedule a meeting with The Princess’ caseworker and the supervisor and find out what we were looking at…where we go from here. Amazingly, we were able to get a meeting the next afternoon. Tuesday morning we headed up there and sat down with them and our list of questions. I got my questions answered, but it seemed there was a definite hostility. When we left I was still discouraged. We had gotten answers, yes. But, the hostility meant this was going to be just as hard as I had imagined. I told Ronnie, “We are going to have a hard time standing up for her and fighting.” He agreed. I stewed on it for a few hours and that evening we went to shop and go out to eat. We were driving around and I finally just knew I had to trust God to take care of The Princess. He is good at what He does. DHS and the Judge won’t have the last word where she is concerned. God will. I love that little girl to death…how much more does God love her. I will fight for her with everything in me. He already did. If you rip my heart into tiny shreds, you will see my girls on every shred. God will have the last word and I had to trust Him to take care of her. I had just posted this on Facebook when my cellphone rang. It was The Princess' angel...calling to say she was back on the case. In her voice was joy and exhilaration!! Same as mine. Yesterday she cried with me on the phone for this little girl that she has fallen in love with . Today, we laughed together and shared our joy! I cannot express to you how much was lifted off of my shoulders in that moment. I had peace. It's not over by far...we have a long ways to go. The Princess has many obstacles facing, but she is tough. She is a fighter by far!! But more importantly, we have a HUGE God that is guiding us in this journey. Holding our hand. Holding my Princess' hand and He will never fail us. He showed us compassion today and I am humbled and full of gratitude. He is Emmanuel: "God With Us!".

Pirate Mommy

...that"s what my girls called me today. I have two deep scratches on my cornea...and sporting an eye patch! Please excuse the lack of posting yesterday and today...and possibly tomorrow too. Thanks!

Life without Butter and Sugar....

is something we are not used to. I always have the two on hand. A week ago I ran out of sugar. A WEEK AGO! Do you know what this means? (That I am crazy? Maybe) It means NO SWEET TEA! And that is an abomination in the south. My brother comes over usually everyday for coffee or sweet tea. I think he has disowned me now that I haven't been keeping a pitcher of tea in the refrigerator. And then the unthinkable happened....I ran out of butter two days ago!!!! I bet somewhere Paula Deen just fainted. I mean really...I went to the store yesterday and bought a 10 pound bag of sugar to make sure it doesn't happen again and forgot the darn butter. Lol. I thought, okay now I can make my Grandpa his Pineapple Upside Down Cake for his birthday. (He just made 83 y'all!!!) And I can get rid of those zucchini's sitting on my counter by making zucchini bread and, since they are huge, making everyone else some too. So I sat out all of the stuff last night and thought tomorrow is going to be a little hectic....I have a routine home visit from DHS (a different county than the one the other day), a play date for my girls, making zucchini bread, making a Pineapple Upside Down Cake, mixing up 3 batches of meatballs to freeze for later days, marinating a huge brisket for this weekend when we have family over, and another post on the blog. Well, we can mark off two of these things now! Possibly 3....it's 11:07 and DHS hasn't arrived and said she would be here mid morning?
So, anyway.....I will be posting a lot of food recipes this week that I hope you will enjoy. Some our mine and my mom's recipes and some come from my favorite cookbooks and blogs. Some of these are: Meatballs over Rice and freezing meatballs, Baked Beans vamped up a bit, Zucchini Bread, Pineapple Upside Down Cake, Brisket, and Macaroni Salad. And then we will all vow to run 10 miles on the treadmill together right?
In other random crazy news, since we have been having this monsoon rain weather...ants have now taken over my kitchen. (And I may have to bulldoze my front yard if it doesn't stop soon.)They kinda hang out in one spot though which is good. They have all migrated by my sink and in my sink. I have tried getting rid of them with no success. Yesterday was the last straw though!! I swear it was either the ants go or I go. So I googled effective natural ways to get rid of ants and got these suggestions: cornmeal, peppermint extract or eaves, white vinegar, chili powder, borax, cinnamon and a few others. I decided to mix together cinnamon and chili powder. It sounded lethal enough. I mixed it together and sprinkled it all over the area where they are partying at. BAM! No more ants this morning...well except one little guy who managed to survive....I took care of him though. But, guess what? Now I am out of cinnamon! It's a vicious cycle!!

Good Friends and The Little Things That Cheer Us Up.

Today was a better day for all of us I think. I went to bed with a heavy heart and didn't sleep good at all. I decided somehow today has to be better. It didn't seem possible knowing The Princess was leaving for the day for her appointments. Speech always goes well. She LOVES her speech therapist and does so well for her. She doesn't mind counseling either. It's another issue that she has to deal with entirely on these days that makes it very hard sometimes. Obviously, I can't go in to what that is. Some days she has cried for Ronnie so bad until they have brought her back early or didn't even go at all. Did I mention how much she loves her Daddy? 8) Today she had a fairly good day and this did my heart happy. Ronnie picked her up and of course Madison wanted to go with him. I stayed home and had almost 45 minutes to myself. It was nice after yesterday...I had a Diet Coke and read. Anyway, when they got home I went to the door to meet them and she was all smiles and said, "Heeeey, Mama!" I love it. She was a little aggressive when she came home but guess what?? Are you sitting down for this? NO MELTDOWNS OR TANTRUMS! That's right...not even a time out. God heard my prayers and The Princess had a wonderful day.
Maddie had a pretty good day herself. I know it seems like a lot of the focus is on The Princess. It's not intentional...just so much going on with The Princess' situation. Maddie went with Daddy and I for lunch. She was allowed to pick out her drink this time (she always picks but the options usually don't include soft drinks). She was pretty pumped about her Fruit Punch. She was decked out in her jewelery everywhere one could possibly where it...lip gloss...and her new Mariah Carey perfume my cousin bought them. She loves wearing it and telling everyone within sight that she is wearing "puhfume". She is one super cute kiddo. Everyone stopped to tell her how cute she was, to which she replied, "Yeah, I cute." We took her to her favorite place in the ENTIRE WORLD. You are thinking Chuck E Cheese huh? Nope! Wal-Mart!! She asks to go everyday. I really don't know where this came from. But I'm telling you, all it takes to make this girl's day is McDonald's chicken nuggets, a trip to Wal-Mart, and getting all dolled up to do both. That's it...she's an easy kid to please. (And if you ask her what Santa is bringing her? Chicken Nuggets and "Mal-Mart"! I can pull off one, but the other???) She fed Daddy animal crackers while he worked around the house. She had a good day. It's the little things that get us through. Little things like Chicken Nuggets 8) and a big smile,or a child having a good day. This Mama doesn't need Diamonds or a 3 story house. A lunch date with my Diva and The Princess having a good day is all I need.
Are you ready for the good news I promised you? No unsupervised visits starting soon!! 8) Some prayers are answered quick. I think it's because a lot were going up yesterday on our behalf. And thank you for this...we are grateful. One less thing to keep me awake at night worrying about her. I can focus on two adorably sweet little girls sitting by my feet watching cooking shows. My kinda kids.
And more good news...one of my very best friends called my today and said she was reading my Facebook post yesterday where I asked for tips on what to do about temper tantrums. Her son has a therapist who does behavior therapy and is completely amazing. She is apparently like Nanny 911 but better. AND she is coming to visit The Princess to watch and give me some pointers. She has a lot of experience with foster kid because her mom is a foster parent. Is that awesome or what?? I am super excited! And grateful. Thanks Mandy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God really blows me away. Ever heard that old cliche', "He is on time God!"? And tomorrow we have a play date with my other best friend and her kiddos! Good friends are a great thing.
And in the words of one of the two DHS workers that I LOVE...."God is watching over The Princess and you just have to keep your eyes on Him....she is in His care, and He is excellent at what He does."

Temper Tantrums, Court and Uncertainty.

Life is great. And that, for lack of better words, is an understatement. I am blessed. But just as we have many good days, we have very bad days too. Days where I think, "I need to rethink the kid thing because I am a bad mom." 99% of the time this is during a temper tantrum the Princess is having. At this point her nickname changes from "The Princess" to "The Meltdown Queen". (Ronnie came up with this one, blame him.) I worked in preschool for several years and have done lots of babysitting, so I have seen my fair share of fits, meltdowns and temper tantrums. I have had chairs thrown at me, been headbutted. But this...oh this. This is something different. I think it's mainly that she can continue it for soooooooooooo long, hours if need be. And I want so bad to just cry...partly because I hate what she has been through and is still going through and that the tantrums stem from that. Partly because I am so frustrated I want to scream!
Anyone else ever have this moment where you want to hold a pillow up to your mouth and just scream as loud as possible? I had one today. But, at the same time she is breaking my heart and I just want to hold her and not worry about what she did to get in time out to cause the tantrum. But, if I do this will it not let her know she can get away with it from then on? I am at a loss here. I want to be understanding of what she is feeling, but yet because of her speech delay and circumstances, can't express. But I want to set boundaries for her too. She will start kindergarten in one year! She has to get this under control. A year seems like so far away but it is right around the corner. I know that because I got her in January and it's almost a year already. This year has just flown by. And the next one will too. (And while you're dishing out advice to me, now would be a great time to tell me how to stop time from going so fast!!) Anyone have any ideas on how to get my incredibly sweet, funny, and temperamental Princess to not throw such horrible tantrums? I am ready for anything...anything that will help me not lose my insanity or feel like a horrible mom and that will help put her at ease and able to talk to us instead of scream.
On an even more negative note....her caseworker came out for a standard visit today and boy was she the bearer of bad news. About two weeks ago she said she didn't believe the Princess would ever return home because of a few reasons. Today, that was not the case. Today, she said she "isn't exactly recommending she goes home on August 23." Now, I'm not exactly sure what that means....is she or isn't she recommending that? What I do know is this: this isn't good for me. Or Madison. Or Ronnie. Or my family. And most definitely not good for the Princess. While I can't go in to details on why....just trust me on this one. Her caseworker did say that she is recommending they begin "at home, UNSUPERVISED visits". At this point I don't know whether to scream or cry. We have done this before and I cannot begin to describe to you what it did to her. She had such bad anxiety that she would have diarrhea every time she went and then come home and sit in my lap very quiet. I AM NOT looking forward to this. To add to the bad news, because that just wasn't enough, her caseworker also said even though she most likely will NOT go home in August...she will most likely go home at her next court date which will be November 23...give or take a few days. I cannot begin to describe to you what is going through my brain right now...and my heart. But I will say this: How do I tell my 3 year old daughter that her "sissy", whom she adores, is leaving us? How do I explain this to her? She gets anxious when The Princess is gone for visits and speech and asks every 5 minutes when can we go get her and makes me play videos of her on my phone over and over while she plays. More importantly...how do I tell the Princess that she has to go
home again? How do I explain to her that we want her and love her so much but we may not be able to keep her? How do I explain to her that we aren't giving her up or giving up ON HER? How do I help her understand why she has to leave what she calls “___’s home” and leave her “sissy”, “Mama” and most of all her “Daddy” who she cries for when he is not home.
How do I explain to her that she won’t be going to visit her Granda everyday anymore or her Papa, Aunt ChaCha and Uncle Wes? The sun rises and sets on Granda. She asks to see her everyday, starting as soon as she wakes up. She LOVES her Granda. How do you take away a child’s Granda? How can I be okay knowing she is crying because she wants to come home…to her bed. See her Sissy. Be held by Mama and Daddy. Go to Granda and Papa’s house. How do I do this?? I don’t think I can. I really don’t. She is MY BABY!She loves her Daddy fiercely and has from the beginning. I know no matter what, she is going to be mad at us because we have done this before. She went home for 8 days in March. 8 days! I still cannot believe that's all it was. It seemed like 8 years!! (Anyone who suffered through my depression with me can confirm this.) I was severely depressed and cried all day, every day. (I am surprised I am not a divorced woman.) The day that we had to let her go home, I went to the car after court to kiss her bye and told her I loved her and would miss her. She showed no emotion and only gave me a blank stare. Almost zombie like. She wouldn’t say it back….and pushed my face away. I thought she would be a little excited about going home and it would kill me. No this was much, much worse. She was mad at us. She thought we were giving her away. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through. Miscarriage included. It broke my heart and consumed my thoughts the entire 8 days she was gone. I called DHS to tell them if she came back in custody to bring her back straight to us. 8 days later as I was telling my mom on my front porch how bad I missed her, my cell phone rang. It was DHS. They said she had come back in custody and would we still take her. Would we?? I told them we will always take her. I woke Ronnie up and said, "If you could have one wish, what would it be?" He said, "A baby..our baby...The Princess!' I said well let's go get her then. She is waiting on us. He jumped out of the bed and asked me if I was for real. I think the huge smile assured him I was not! When we got there and saw her she immediately smiled and said, "Heeey!" But then she became reserved. She looked so SMALL and SAD. It was obvious she was glad to see us, but obvious she was mad and hurt as well. I
told her we missed her so much and were so glad she was back. She said, "I missed you too!" I found out later she asked for her Daddy (Ronnie) every day she was gone. It took almost 2 months before she became less reserved and remotely the child who had left us. She finally came around and began to shower us with hugs and kisses again. I mentioned it to her almost a month ago that she may have to go live with her mom again. She says no every time and that she is staying with her Daddy. I told her we loved her so much, and wanted her to stay with us forever and we don't want her to leave, but that her mom may say she has to come back. This may sound harsh, but she doesn't understand the judge/court/DHS system. It was the easiest way I could explain it to her. She broke my heart in that instant, because I couldn't help but cry, and she wiped my tears, crawled in my lap and patted my back and said, "It's okay Mama!" But in her eyes she looked a little distant from me again. I vowed never to say it to her again. I have to prepare her before November but I don't know how to do it without breaking her heart. I can handle mine being broken. But I will walk through fire for that girl and fight for her with everything in me. I can't imagine life without her. It seems life didn't begin until she walked through our door with her curly hair and dimpled smile. It scares me to death.Our day was full of bad news and exasperation. But there is always something that happens to bring the laughter back. The Princess kissed Madison goodnight before getting into her bed, as she always does, and said "We go see Granda tomorrow!" Maddie said, "No, we sick. I'm sick. Your sick. We're all sick!" 8) Thanks for the laughter, God. You know we needed it.

Welcome ....Pull Up A Chair

Our journey really began years ago when we had a miscarriage and then battled with infertility for years afterwards. I will make a long story short (and promise to give you the whole story at a later date). After trying everything in our power to become parents we felt like God was leading us to foster care. Heartaches, disappointments, and sadness were immediately lifted on January 6, 2011. That night our Princess arrived...our first foster child. Ronnie was at work and I was busy trying to make things as perfect as possible and calm the butterflies in my stomach. When I heard the car pull up I jumped to the door and all I can tell you is I felt exactly as the disciples must have when the boat was rocking and then Jesus commanded the waves to be still. It was an instant peace....and love at first sight. I have never in my life known such an instant peace as I did in that second. She was beautiful and precious in every way possible. She brings so much laughter to our homes and lives and..despite the present goal of reunification with her mom...will ALWAYS be out baby.
On March 23, 2011 our lives once again changed when we received a call asking if we would be interested in adopting a 2 year old little girl. I don't even think they finished their sentence or had a chance to tell me her name before I said, "YES!!! WE WOULD!" There was nothing else I needed to know, except that she was going to be ours! Again, there was an instant bond and love at first sight. Madison arrived and she was perfect in every sense of the word. She is amazingly soooo much like Ronnie. Everyone thinks she looks just like me, and she might, but she is her Daddy through and through. It's amazing how God works everything out to the smallest of details.
If you had asked me on January 5, 2006 I would have told you I had given up on ever being a mom. If you ask me today I will tell you I am blessed beyond words with two beautiful girls in my life. My cup runneth over.......
I hope you will follow us on this journey and laugh along with us! It's quite the journey and He who has us on it is quite a God!

The Stork Got The Wrong Lady....

because The Princess is definitely, without a shadow of a doubt my kid!!! She is so much like me in temperament (which is scary), personality and even tastes. I come in the living room all the time to find her sitting down in front of the bookshelf with some of my cookbooks. She will say, "Ohhhh, I eat that!" or just make yummy noises. She will sit through 30 minute cooking shows with me and take it all in. She gets just as excited as I do, and will say, "Mama, look at that! Cake!" She comes in the kitchen when I am cooking or baking and wants to help and will cry if I don't let her. She is CONSTANTLY cooking with her play food and dishes and then bringing it to me to eat. "I made you cake, Mama!", she proudly says. No, proudly yells is more like it! She has one volume....EXTRA LOUD!
Yesterday at the doctor's office she was cuddled in Ronnie's lap with her blanket feeling awful and he was watching the news on the TV. The news ended and a cooking show came on. She immediately sat up and said "Cooking!". Ha ha, I looked at Ronnie and said, "See, people think I make this stuff up!" The girl loves all things cooking and food. Ronnie had to turn his chair around so she could see the TV better. She is my child.
She can't let things go and has to have the last word....that she must have gotten from someone else ;) Ronnie lets things go and brushes it off until he just can't anymore and then just blows up. He is so nonconfrontational. So is Maddie. Me and The Princess? You are going to hear about it whether you like it or not and we aren't done talking about it until we have said everything we want to say. Our fuse is short and we CAN"T hold it in for days and just stew about it. It's not in us. We butt heads on this. Because of her speech delay though, hers ends up in temper tantrums because she either can't say what she is upset about or because she find it easier to just scream and cry then to attempt it. It depends on her day. And when she wakes up grumpy....your day (and everyone else's that will come in contact with her) is shot! Ronnie thinks someone else is like that too. I won't mention any names because it's just not polite. 8)
A morning person, she IS NOT! Let her wake up on her own if it's possible or you will reap the consequences. Don't talk to her until she has had time to wake up. She won't eat until until then either. Once again, me made over. Ronnie and Maddie are morning people. They wake up ready to take on the world. The Princess and I wake up feeling like the world just took us on and out if we have to wake up too early. We like to stay up late and sleep in. Ronnie and Maddie like to go to bed early and wake up early. I think we have just had a breakthrough!! He should wake up early with Maddie and The Princess and I will sleep in. Whatcha think, Ronnie? And could you have the coffee pot on?
Lastly, is her food preferences. She, like me, has an issue with texture sometimes. If it's supposed to be crunchy, she doesn't mind it. But if it's supposed to be smooth, it BETTER be smooth. We don't want fruit cocktail in our Jell-O...we don't want peanuts in our peanut butter or chunks of fruit in our jelly. Call us weird, but that's just us! You can have a smorgasbord of food...The Princess and I are making a bee-line for the desserts. And not just any dessert...we want CAKE!! She tells me everyday, "I want cake, Mama!" Just this morning, she had a bowl of yogurt and a bowl of applesauce (she has a fast metabolism and is incredibly little...okay, so there is one way we differ!) and then asked for cake. At lunchtime, when she finishes her food, she will ask for cake. And again at suppertime. She loves cake. She prefers chocolate cake. I swear she is MY KID! The stork got the wrong lady. On May, 24, 2007 the stork got lost and left my baby at another woman's house. But God sorted it out!!

Recipes

Coming Soon!