Thursday, July 5, 2012
Today you came back from your three day stay with your bio mom. Daddy, Madison and I couldn’t wait to go pick you up. I looked in your bag to see if the “olive branch” I sent out came back with a good report. No such luck. That means that you have 11 days left with us before you leave us forever. You were so loving and sweet tonight. You sat at the kitchen table and told Daddy, “Daddy, I love you. I really missed you.“ You have no idea what that did to our hearts. Madison laughed at you for being silly during dinner and she told you that you were so silly and you laughed and said, “I know.“ I love my silly girl…you brought laughter back in to my life just by walking through my front door that night almost two years ago. I gave you a bath and when I was getting you in the tub you said, “Mama, Madison had a dream about Daddy last night. I had a dream too.“ I asked what you dreamed about and you said, “You!!!“ and hugged me tight. You have no idea how much my heart is breaking..I guess I’m glad you don’t. You have had such sadness in your life..I don’t want to be someone who adds more. There is a lot of things that I want to say to you that I wish you were old enough to understand. Maybe you understand more than I know. If you can’t grasp anything else please take hold of two things: Jesus loves you more than anyone ever will…He will be with you even when Mama and Daddy can’t be…He loves you and will never leave you or forget you…remember, He has engraved your name on the palm of His hand. The second thing is this: Mama and Daddy love you with ever bit of our heart…and a piece of our liver too. You are our daughter forever, even if you don’t live with us. You will always be my Sunshine, my baby, my Pepper, Little Bit, my Princess and my sweet girl for as long as I live. I may not be able to see you ever again but I will never go one day without thinking of you a million times and praying for you with every thing I am. Mama loves you baby….you changed my life. You walked in to my front door with your big brown eyes and curls and smiled your beautiful smile and it was love at first sight. I will never forget one second of that night. We played with baby dolls and painted each other’s nails. You sat in my lap for a few hours watching Lady and The Tramp and I was nervous if you would sleep or cry all night. I put you down in your bed and you smiled at me and went to sleep. The next day you called me “Mama” and melted my heart. I know your life is fixing to get so confusing, sad, scary and uncertain and I want you to know you will have Jesus and all of his angels surrounding you every second of it. Never doubt that. I hope you never think for a second that we gave you away, gave up on you or didn’t want you. That would break my heart even more. Please keep laughing, smiling and being the sweet girl that you are. The girl that I love more than life itself. 11 days isn’t enough time…but I am grateful for even that. I love you and a MILLION things about you…but here are 11 of those things:
1) I love the way you take my face with both of your tiny hands and give me kisses. It melts my heart every time.
2) I love when you ask me to please sleep in the room with you at night.
3) I love that laugh that is contagious and makes everyone laugh with you…and your dimples when you smile. You make me laugh all day long at the silly things you say and do.
4) I love the way you tuck Madison in every night at bedtime and tell her goodnight and kiss her forehead. Sometimes she acts annoyed by it, but she adores it.
5) I love how fiercely loyal you are to those you love even at 5! You are so protective of your sisters. I feel the same way about you.
6) I love the way you come alive when you are anywhere near the water and could stay all day until dark if we let you…and then ask for an hour long bubble bath. Our little Mermaid.
7.) I love the way you are never in a hurry…you have to stop and smell flowers, look at birds, scope out an ant bed. The world is one big playground to you and you always have time to enjoy it.
8.) I love when you beg me to let you bake with me in the kitchen. I love sharing this time with you. I swear you are going to be a chef one day, even though you insist you are going to be a doctor. Either way, I will be so proud of you.
9.) I love how attentive you are to the baby and what an AMAZING big sister you are. Every time the baby cries, you run into the room screaming, “I’m coming baby!!” and go make her laugh again. You are going to be such a good Mommy one day.
10.) I selfishly love the way that I am the one person that can always make you feel at ease and safe instantly.
11.) I love the funny way you say things because you don’t yet have the words to say them correctly. I secretly hate when you figure them out and correct yourself.
11 of the million things I love about you…goodnight baby!
Posted by Stephanie Brauer at 8:57 PM